A sermon for father's day
The Wise Men
1. The importance of the role of husband and father (like so many other spiritual things) is much more significant, far-reaching, and influential than most people realize.
2. Consider these comments from Charles Colson, who was appointed as special counsel to former President Nixon, and he served time in federal prison for crimes associated with the Watergate scandal. Since that time he has given his life to the Lord and ministry, especially prison ministry. He is the founder of Prison Fellowship. He writes:
“In nearly 30 years of prison ministry, I’ve witnessed the disastrous consequences of family breakdown in the lives of thousands of delinquents. Dozens of studies now confirm the evidence I’ve seen with my own eyes. Boys who grow up without fathers are at least twice as likely as other boys to end up in prison. 60 % of rapists and 70 % of adolescent murderers never knew or lived with their father.
Even in the toughest inner-city neighborhoods, just 10 % of kids from intact families get into trouble, but 90 % of those from broken families do. Girls raised without a father in the home are five times more likely to become mothers while still adolescents. Children from broken homes have more academic and behavioral problems at school and are nearly twice as likely to drop out of high school.” [Christianity Today, June 2004]
3. His sobering words should serve as a powerful testimony to the influence of a father in the home, and it exposes the lies our modern world tells couples that simply are not true.
1. Lies that say... “Everybody has affairs,” “Divorce doesn’t hurt anyone,” “One parent is just as good as two,” and “Children are very resilient, they will survive.” All lies. Immorality and selfishness that leads to broken homes and marriages does do harm ~ serious harm ~ and it has very serious, long-term, negative consequences on our children.
2. Some of you are like me, and you are the product of a divorced home, and you know that divorce hurts everyone. And children are not resilient, they are precious, and they are to be loved, nurtured, protected, and given guidance.
4. To do that you need to be WISE. I want to talk this morning about the WISE MEN God intended you to be. Wise men who understand the worthiness and importance of keeping our MARRIAGE and our FAMILY intact and making the home a good place to be.
5. By the way, I am not going to say one thing this morning to the husbands and fathers that wives and mothers don’t also need to give attention to.
As wise men and women, what should be the priorities of our lives?
I. As Wise Men We Must Spend TIME with those We Love and Hope to Influence.
A. Time is one of the most precious and valuable gifts you can give to those you love.
1. How do we suppose that we can significantly influence anyone unless if we are unwilling to spend time with them. This is especially true when the children are young.
2. I have a parenting theory:
a. When we are planning for retirement, we understand the benefits of compound interest. Every young couple that counsel who planning on marrying, at some point get my dissertation on the evils of credit cards and the blessings of compound interest. I show them how the money they save when they are in their twenties, that money will go bonkers in their fifties because of compound interest. Their money needs TIME to effectively work for them in their later years.
b. The same concept is true of raising children. The more TIME we spend with our children when they are young and we are in our twenties, that time will reap wonderful benefits later down the road. Just as it is unwise to wait until you start saving for retirement, you cannot wait to start spending time with your children.
2. I now understand this principle in spades ~ TIME IS FLEETING ~ Our oldest daughter, Joelle, will turn 15 in August. We only have her at home with us for another 4 years. While 4 years sounds like a long time to still have a lot of influence on one’s child (and it is to a degree), I’m finding that she does not necessarily want to spend as much time with me I want to spend with her. She is growing up, spreading her wings, and attempting to begin cutting the apron strings. She is growing up.
3. We have the first 10 to 12 years of our children’s lives to make the most impact on their values and their future. After that age, our children naturally tend to turn their attention to with their friends and doing things with them. Moms and Dads, if you wait until your children are teenagers to bring them up in the Lord, to bring them to Bible class, to pray with them, to teach and train them in the Lord, you may have waited too late!
4. Eph 5:15-16 says, “Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as WISE, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
a. This doesn’t say the world is evil (and it is), but the “days are evil.” I suppose one way to look at this verse is that everyday we live we are surrounded by evil. But we also need to remember the days are evil ~ they are not on our side, they are working against us.
b. Everyday we live on this earth, every day our children are living in our home, is one less day we now have to impact the their lives in the most meaningful way. The days are passing away.
5. As wise men and women, we need to understand that every day is valuable and so time is one of the most precious and most valuable gifts we can give to those we love.
B. Christian dads don’t tend to make the same mistakes in their thinking that other dads do:
1. “My small children aren’t interested in me and would rather watch Sponge Bob Square Pants on TV or to play with friends.” NOT TRUE. They love TV and playing with friends, but when our children are smaller they are always thrilled to have mom and dad play, read to them, spending time with them. When you spend time with your children you are saying to them, “You are important to me.”
2. Some think, “My time is better spent earning a living and elevating myself up as I climb the ladder of success. What my family needs if from me right now is to work and provide everything they need and want.” Earning a living is time well spent and important, but don’t ever build your career to the neglect of your children and marriage. The future of our children and our families are more important.
3. “There will always be plenty of time later to visit with and talk with and tell my children what I think is most important.” Again NOT TRUE. Time quickly passes and cannot be reclaimed. Soon enough days turn into weeks. . . weeks into moths. . . and months into years.
4. An important principle is this: If you do not spend time with your children when they are small and young, they won’t spend time with you as they grow up.
5. Do you remember the song by Harry Chapin called, “Cats in the Cradle.” I did not know until recently that his wife Sandy Chapin wrote the lyrics for that song. She wrote them while she was pregnant with their first child as a warning to Harry who was building his musical career not to miss his child growing up. It’s a beautiful song that talks about a father who did not spend time and play ball with his boy when he was young. When the man grew older and he longed to have his son spend time with him, the son followed in his footsteps and treated his father in his old age the way the father treated his son when he was young. Too many things took priority over spending time with those you love.
6. That’s why I’m so comforted by the many husbands and fathers in this church who understand that your work, yes, is important, but your family is more important. You are choosing to BE THERE, and you are wise men.
1) You are committed to spending time with your family, especially with your children.
2) You make it a priority to create opportunities for your family to be together. Making good memories and building strong relationships is a priority to you.
3) Because you live wisely, life and neglect will not rob you of time with those we love.
II. Wise Men AFFIRM and ENCOURAGE those they Love.
A. Our words carry a tremendous amount of meaning, whether we intend for them to or not.
A. What we say and how we say it speaks volumes about what is in our hearts. Our words ~ especially words from a father ~ have power to build up or destroy and tear down. Let’s always be aware of how important it is to build up, and not destroy the spirit of our children.
B. The Blonde has a more natural ability to be nurturing than I do. I can be nurturing, it just comes more natural to her. When our children fall and scrape a knee, and come crying, I’m the one who says, “It’s not that bad.” Nurturing does not come as natural to me, but disciplining does. I can get the girls to behave quicker with a look than my wife can in five minutes of words. Discipline and correction comes more natural to men.
C. Don’t misunderstand, rules need to be enforced, and children need to be corrected, but they also need to hear lots of words of praise and approval. Or they will grow up wondering if they ever made us proud.
D. Being “The Enforcer” is not the only role of a father. He needs to affirm and encourage his children, and to tell them how proud and happy he is with them.
E. I have heard all kinds of statistics ~ some psychologists tell us that it takes about 7 or 8 positive statements to offset one critical or negative statement. I have heard that it takes as many as 15 positive comments to overcome one negative. Whatever the right ratio is, our children need to hear us tell them how much we love them, how proud we are of them, and how much they mean to us a whole lot more than they hear how they have disappointed us and have not lived up to our expectations.
F. It’s fairly easy to be over critical of our mate or our children. But I tell you that it is nigh unto impossible to affirm and encourage too much!
B. Affirming means that we notice what is good and praise worthy and SPEAK words of approval.
A. It means that we brag on our spouse and our children and the good and positive things they do. We let them know that we are proud of them, and they have blessed our lives.
B. Even God did this when He spoke from heaven, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17).
C. Fathers need to discipline and correct their children and to help them set high goals and to “go for their dreams.” We need to help our children believe that they can accomplish good and great things! We need to help our children aim for the best, not to settle for mediocrity. Tell them how God loves them and has a special plan for their lives, and that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy as well.
D. Fathers need to speak words and set the example that will help their children love God and the church, that will help their children want to go to heaven and be pleasing to their earthly father and heavenly Father.
III. Wise Men are the SPIRITUAL LEADERS for those they Love and want to Guide.
What is spiritual leadership? Sometimes men are hesitant to assume the role of being the spiritual leader because they misunderstand what it means to be the head of the home ~ the spiritual leader.
A. What spiritual leadership is NOT:
1. It’s not pretending that we know all the answers. It took me several years in ministry before I realized that it really was OK to say, “I don’t know, let’s study and think about this together.” I thought preachers needed to be able to give every member a reasonable answer to every question they could come up with. The same is true for fathers. Don’t think you have to have all the answers. Dads, it’s OK to say to your family, “I’m not sure. But let’s study and pray about this together and we will seek God’s answer together.” I believe that causes your family to respect you more than pretending you know all the answers.
2. It’s not thinking that we have to be perfect or make everyone else think that we never make mistakes. First of all, we are way past convincing our family that we are perfect. Our children already know we are not. They have witnessed our shortcomings and mistakes, and we do not fool them! In fact, I believe we lose credibility with them when we refuse to own up to and admit our mistakes! But we endear ourselves to our families when we ask for forgiveness. I have sat on the edge of the bed of one of my daughters many times to apologize and ask their forgiveness. They have not one time said, “It’s about time you realize what a no good parent you have turned out to be.” No, they forgive, they hug, and love me even more. Spiritual leadership is not being perfect, it is about following Jesus and seeking to be more like Him.
3. It’s not just being the one who gives orders and issues commands. Decisions must be made and leadership requires tough decisions be made. But leadership is more than decision making. Spiritual leadership is serving, helping, gentle care and love, it is not issuing a decree and then retreating back into the royal palace. Like Jesus said, that is how the unspiritual world thinks about leadership and lording it over folks (Matt 20:20-28), but spiritual leadership gently leads, not commands. I will say that there are times when the father has the responsibility of making decision when the rest of the family can’t agree.
B. What spiritual leadership IS: It is accepting the responsibility to help my family safely reach heaven and see that our home is built on the principles of God’s will and His word.
1. It is being the one who guides and sets the example for those you love in God’s way. In other words, if my family follows my example they will live the kind of lives that honor God. Now they may choose not to, that happens sometimes. But being a spiritual leader means that if they will follow your lead and example, they will love God and His Word and do what it right.
2. It is about being the one who protects his family from harm and danger, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Husbands and fathers must never be the ones who inflict harm and abuse on his wife and children. This is the worst form of betrayal possible.
3. The best way to be the spiritual LEADER in your home is to make Jesus the LORD of your life.
IV. Wise Men Acknowledge they Need God’s Help.
A. Wisdom is honestly admitting we cannot be the husband and father that we need to be all by ourselves.
1. We need God’s help guiding us, working in our homes, and compensating for us when we fail.
2. A spiritually wise man spends much time in prayer, first for his own life, and then for God to work in and bless the lives of his family.
3. Someone has said, “Before a man talks to his children about God, he first needs to talk to God about his children.” That’s good advice. Ask God to mold and shape our lives and the lives of our children.
4. I tell you, the most intimidating thing I do every week is not standing in front of a large crowd of people like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still nervous. My palms are sweaty and I’m fidgety before speaking. But as intimidating as you are to me, the most intimidating responsibility I have is being the dad of two girls. And I’ll admit that I probably do a better job of leading a church than I do in leading my family at times.
5. You would think that raising a family for elders, deacons, and preachers would be a piece of cake. You may think that when my alarm clock goes off in the morning, it’s not that obnoxious buzzard sound, but it is angelic voices that stir me in the morning. No, our family is just like your family. We are just as human, natural, selfish, just as sinful as any other family. As a father, I have to beg for God’s encouragement and strength to help me be the kind of father, preacher, and spiritual leader He has called me to be.
B. All men want to be strong ~ to be SUPERDAD
1. Men of real strength are not men who can lift more weight over their heads, but men who can bow their heads in devoted prayer and who most rely on God’s strength and help. We need to be praying for God to help us be the husbands and fathers we should be, and that God would help our children to grow strong in the faith and in their love for God and His church. If we don’t pray and ask for these things, we lessen the possibility it will happen!
2. James 1:5 reminds us that if we lack wisdom, we should pray and ask God to give it, and He will. In this day and age we need all the wisdom and help God can supply to help our marriages and homes be the best they can be. ASK!
There is a battle being fought, a battle that is being fought over the hearts and destinies of our children. And Dad, you are the Point Man for your family. You are the leader... the example... the protector for your family. But to be those things for your family, you must live as wise men.
Don’t Hope, Friend. . .Decide!
(As published in the book “A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul,” by Michael D. Hargrove)
While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly? Well, this one occurred a mere two feet away from me!
Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.
First, he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, and movingly loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, diverted his eyes, and replied softly, “Me too, Dad!”
Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9 or 10) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands he said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. His son said nothing. No reply was necessary.
While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one and a half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder and remained motionless in total pure contentment.
After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, “I love you so much!.” They stared into each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant, they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t be.
I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I were invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?”
“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile and told me, “Two whole days!”
Two days?! I was stunned! I was certain by the intensity of the greeting I just witnessed that he’d been gone for at least several weeks, if not months, and I know my expression betrayed me. So I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), I said, “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”
The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with an intensity that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person.
He told me, “Don’t hope friend... decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless.” With that, he and his family turned and energetically strode away together.
I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, “What’cha looking at?” Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, “My future!”
(http://bluinc.com/free/secret.htm )
1. I want to say once again, how encouraged I am by the men of this church. Your faithfulness and your devotion to your marriages and families is an example this world needs to see to know the lies of the world are just that ~ they are lies. You are men who are doing all you can to be faithful husbands and fathers, I want to say “Thank you,” because you help to make our community, our society, and this church a much stronger place.
2. But if you know that you have not been the kind of father you hope to be, maybe today is the day you stop hoping and decide to take the necessary steps to be the kind of husband, father, and spiritual leader you need to be.
a. Spend generous amounts of time with your children.
b. Try to affirm your family members more and to be critical less.
c. Don’t just send them to church, but take them, and be the godly example at home of how God wants all people to live.
d. And finally, pray. Pray for yourself and pray for your family. Pray privately at times, and other times let them see and hear you pray for them. It will make all the difference in your life and in theirs.
3. If we can pray for you this morning, it would be our privilege to do so. Just as the mountains surround Jerusalem, we would pray that God would surround His people this morning. If there is a spiritual need that you need to share with us today, please come while together we stand and sing.
Invitation Song ~ “Surround Us, Lord”
Sermon by Noel Whitlock, Searcy, AR
1. The importance of the role of husband and father (like so many other spiritual things) is much more significant, far-reaching, and influential than most people realize.
2. Consider these comments from Charles Colson, who was appointed as special counsel to former President Nixon, and he served time in federal prison for crimes associated with the Watergate scandal. Since that time he has given his life to the Lord and ministry, especially prison ministry. He is the founder of Prison Fellowship. He writes:
“In nearly 30 years of prison ministry, I’ve witnessed the disastrous consequences of family breakdown in the lives of thousands of delinquents. Dozens of studies now confirm the evidence I’ve seen with my own eyes. Boys who grow up without fathers are at least twice as likely as other boys to end up in prison. 60 % of rapists and 70 % of adolescent murderers never knew or lived with their father.
Even in the toughest inner-city neighborhoods, just 10 % of kids from intact families get into trouble, but 90 % of those from broken families do. Girls raised without a father in the home are five times more likely to become mothers while still adolescents. Children from broken homes have more academic and behavioral problems at school and are nearly twice as likely to drop out of high school.” [Christianity Today, June 2004]
3. His sobering words should serve as a powerful testimony to the influence of a father in the home, and it exposes the lies our modern world tells couples that simply are not true.
1. Lies that say... “Everybody has affairs,” “Divorce doesn’t hurt anyone,” “One parent is just as good as two,” and “Children are very resilient, they will survive.” All lies. Immorality and selfishness that leads to broken homes and marriages does do harm ~ serious harm ~ and it has very serious, long-term, negative consequences on our children.
2. Some of you are like me, and you are the product of a divorced home, and you know that divorce hurts everyone. And children are not resilient, they are precious, and they are to be loved, nurtured, protected, and given guidance.
4. To do that you need to be WISE. I want to talk this morning about the WISE MEN God intended you to be. Wise men who understand the worthiness and importance of keeping our MARRIAGE and our FAMILY intact and making the home a good place to be.
5. By the way, I am not going to say one thing this morning to the husbands and fathers that wives and mothers don’t also need to give attention to.
As wise men and women, what should be the priorities of our lives?
I. As Wise Men We Must Spend TIME with those We Love and Hope to Influence.
A. Time is one of the most precious and valuable gifts you can give to those you love.
1. How do we suppose that we can significantly influence anyone unless if we are unwilling to spend time with them. This is especially true when the children are young.
2. I have a parenting theory:
a. When we are planning for retirement, we understand the benefits of compound interest. Every young couple that counsel who planning on marrying, at some point get my dissertation on the evils of credit cards and the blessings of compound interest. I show them how the money they save when they are in their twenties, that money will go bonkers in their fifties because of compound interest. Their money needs TIME to effectively work for them in their later years.
b. The same concept is true of raising children. The more TIME we spend with our children when they are young and we are in our twenties, that time will reap wonderful benefits later down the road. Just as it is unwise to wait until you start saving for retirement, you cannot wait to start spending time with your children.
2. I now understand this principle in spades ~ TIME IS FLEETING ~ Our oldest daughter, Joelle, will turn 15 in August. We only have her at home with us for another 4 years. While 4 years sounds like a long time to still have a lot of influence on one’s child (and it is to a degree), I’m finding that she does not necessarily want to spend as much time with me I want to spend with her. She is growing up, spreading her wings, and attempting to begin cutting the apron strings. She is growing up.
3. We have the first 10 to 12 years of our children’s lives to make the most impact on their values and their future. After that age, our children naturally tend to turn their attention to with their friends and doing things with them. Moms and Dads, if you wait until your children are teenagers to bring them up in the Lord, to bring them to Bible class, to pray with them, to teach and train them in the Lord, you may have waited too late!
4. Eph 5:15-16 says, “Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as WISE, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
a. This doesn’t say the world is evil (and it is), but the “days are evil.” I suppose one way to look at this verse is that everyday we live we are surrounded by evil. But we also need to remember the days are evil ~ they are not on our side, they are working against us.
b. Everyday we live on this earth, every day our children are living in our home, is one less day we now have to impact the their lives in the most meaningful way. The days are passing away.
5. As wise men and women, we need to understand that every day is valuable and so time is one of the most precious and most valuable gifts we can give to those we love.
B. Christian dads don’t tend to make the same mistakes in their thinking that other dads do:
1. “My small children aren’t interested in me and would rather watch Sponge Bob Square Pants on TV or to play with friends.” NOT TRUE. They love TV and playing with friends, but when our children are smaller they are always thrilled to have mom and dad play, read to them, spending time with them. When you spend time with your children you are saying to them, “You are important to me.”
2. Some think, “My time is better spent earning a living and elevating myself up as I climb the ladder of success. What my family needs if from me right now is to work and provide everything they need and want.” Earning a living is time well spent and important, but don’t ever build your career to the neglect of your children and marriage. The future of our children and our families are more important.
3. “There will always be plenty of time later to visit with and talk with and tell my children what I think is most important.” Again NOT TRUE. Time quickly passes and cannot be reclaimed. Soon enough days turn into weeks. . . weeks into moths. . . and months into years.
4. An important principle is this: If you do not spend time with your children when they are small and young, they won’t spend time with you as they grow up.
5. Do you remember the song by Harry Chapin called, “Cats in the Cradle.” I did not know until recently that his wife Sandy Chapin wrote the lyrics for that song. She wrote them while she was pregnant with their first child as a warning to Harry who was building his musical career not to miss his child growing up. It’s a beautiful song that talks about a father who did not spend time and play ball with his boy when he was young. When the man grew older and he longed to have his son spend time with him, the son followed in his footsteps and treated his father in his old age the way the father treated his son when he was young. Too many things took priority over spending time with those you love.
6. That’s why I’m so comforted by the many husbands and fathers in this church who understand that your work, yes, is important, but your family is more important. You are choosing to BE THERE, and you are wise men.
1) You are committed to spending time with your family, especially with your children.
2) You make it a priority to create opportunities for your family to be together. Making good memories and building strong relationships is a priority to you.
3) Because you live wisely, life and neglect will not rob you of time with those we love.
II. Wise Men AFFIRM and ENCOURAGE those they Love.
A. Our words carry a tremendous amount of meaning, whether we intend for them to or not.
A. What we say and how we say it speaks volumes about what is in our hearts. Our words ~ especially words from a father ~ have power to build up or destroy and tear down. Let’s always be aware of how important it is to build up, and not destroy the spirit of our children.
B. The Blonde has a more natural ability to be nurturing than I do. I can be nurturing, it just comes more natural to her. When our children fall and scrape a knee, and come crying, I’m the one who says, “It’s not that bad.” Nurturing does not come as natural to me, but disciplining does. I can get the girls to behave quicker with a look than my wife can in five minutes of words. Discipline and correction comes more natural to men.
C. Don’t misunderstand, rules need to be enforced, and children need to be corrected, but they also need to hear lots of words of praise and approval. Or they will grow up wondering if they ever made us proud.
D. Being “The Enforcer” is not the only role of a father. He needs to affirm and encourage his children, and to tell them how proud and happy he is with them.
E. I have heard all kinds of statistics ~ some psychologists tell us that it takes about 7 or 8 positive statements to offset one critical or negative statement. I have heard that it takes as many as 15 positive comments to overcome one negative. Whatever the right ratio is, our children need to hear us tell them how much we love them, how proud we are of them, and how much they mean to us a whole lot more than they hear how they have disappointed us and have not lived up to our expectations.
F. It’s fairly easy to be over critical of our mate or our children. But I tell you that it is nigh unto impossible to affirm and encourage too much!
B. Affirming means that we notice what is good and praise worthy and SPEAK words of approval.
A. It means that we brag on our spouse and our children and the good and positive things they do. We let them know that we are proud of them, and they have blessed our lives.
B. Even God did this when He spoke from heaven, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17).
C. Fathers need to discipline and correct their children and to help them set high goals and to “go for their dreams.” We need to help our children believe that they can accomplish good and great things! We need to help our children aim for the best, not to settle for mediocrity. Tell them how God loves them and has a special plan for their lives, and that will be a self-fulfilling prophecy as well.
D. Fathers need to speak words and set the example that will help their children love God and the church, that will help their children want to go to heaven and be pleasing to their earthly father and heavenly Father.
III. Wise Men are the SPIRITUAL LEADERS for those they Love and want to Guide.
What is spiritual leadership? Sometimes men are hesitant to assume the role of being the spiritual leader because they misunderstand what it means to be the head of the home ~ the spiritual leader.
A. What spiritual leadership is NOT:
1. It’s not pretending that we know all the answers. It took me several years in ministry before I realized that it really was OK to say, “I don’t know, let’s study and think about this together.” I thought preachers needed to be able to give every member a reasonable answer to every question they could come up with. The same is true for fathers. Don’t think you have to have all the answers. Dads, it’s OK to say to your family, “I’m not sure. But let’s study and pray about this together and we will seek God’s answer together.” I believe that causes your family to respect you more than pretending you know all the answers.
2. It’s not thinking that we have to be perfect or make everyone else think that we never make mistakes. First of all, we are way past convincing our family that we are perfect. Our children already know we are not. They have witnessed our shortcomings and mistakes, and we do not fool them! In fact, I believe we lose credibility with them when we refuse to own up to and admit our mistakes! But we endear ourselves to our families when we ask for forgiveness. I have sat on the edge of the bed of one of my daughters many times to apologize and ask their forgiveness. They have not one time said, “It’s about time you realize what a no good parent you have turned out to be.” No, they forgive, they hug, and love me even more. Spiritual leadership is not being perfect, it is about following Jesus and seeking to be more like Him.
3. It’s not just being the one who gives orders and issues commands. Decisions must be made and leadership requires tough decisions be made. But leadership is more than decision making. Spiritual leadership is serving, helping, gentle care and love, it is not issuing a decree and then retreating back into the royal palace. Like Jesus said, that is how the unspiritual world thinks about leadership and lording it over folks (Matt 20:20-28), but spiritual leadership gently leads, not commands. I will say that there are times when the father has the responsibility of making decision when the rest of the family can’t agree.
B. What spiritual leadership IS: It is accepting the responsibility to help my family safely reach heaven and see that our home is built on the principles of God’s will and His word.
1. It is being the one who guides and sets the example for those you love in God’s way. In other words, if my family follows my example they will live the kind of lives that honor God. Now they may choose not to, that happens sometimes. But being a spiritual leader means that if they will follow your lead and example, they will love God and His Word and do what it right.
2. It is about being the one who protects his family from harm and danger, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Husbands and fathers must never be the ones who inflict harm and abuse on his wife and children. This is the worst form of betrayal possible.
3. The best way to be the spiritual LEADER in your home is to make Jesus the LORD of your life.
IV. Wise Men Acknowledge they Need God’s Help.
A. Wisdom is honestly admitting we cannot be the husband and father that we need to be all by ourselves.
1. We need God’s help guiding us, working in our homes, and compensating for us when we fail.
2. A spiritually wise man spends much time in prayer, first for his own life, and then for God to work in and bless the lives of his family.
3. Someone has said, “Before a man talks to his children about God, he first needs to talk to God about his children.” That’s good advice. Ask God to mold and shape our lives and the lives of our children.
4. I tell you, the most intimidating thing I do every week is not standing in front of a large crowd of people like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still nervous. My palms are sweaty and I’m fidgety before speaking. But as intimidating as you are to me, the most intimidating responsibility I have is being the dad of two girls. And I’ll admit that I probably do a better job of leading a church than I do in leading my family at times.
5. You would think that raising a family for elders, deacons, and preachers would be a piece of cake. You may think that when my alarm clock goes off in the morning, it’s not that obnoxious buzzard sound, but it is angelic voices that stir me in the morning. No, our family is just like your family. We are just as human, natural, selfish, just as sinful as any other family. As a father, I have to beg for God’s encouragement and strength to help me be the kind of father, preacher, and spiritual leader He has called me to be.
B. All men want to be strong ~ to be SUPERDAD
1. Men of real strength are not men who can lift more weight over their heads, but men who can bow their heads in devoted prayer and who most rely on God’s strength and help. We need to be praying for God to help us be the husbands and fathers we should be, and that God would help our children to grow strong in the faith and in their love for God and His church. If we don’t pray and ask for these things, we lessen the possibility it will happen!
2. James 1:5 reminds us that if we lack wisdom, we should pray and ask God to give it, and He will. In this day and age we need all the wisdom and help God can supply to help our marriages and homes be the best they can be. ASK!
There is a battle being fought, a battle that is being fought over the hearts and destinies of our children. And Dad, you are the Point Man for your family. You are the leader... the example... the protector for your family. But to be those things for your family, you must live as wise men.
Don’t Hope, Friend. . .Decide!
(As published in the book “A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul,” by Michael D. Hargrove)
While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly? Well, this one occurred a mere two feet away from me!
Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.
First, he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, and movingly loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, diverted his eyes, and replied softly, “Me too, Dad!”
Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9 or 10) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands he said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. His son said nothing. No reply was necessary.
While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one and a half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder and remained motionless in total pure contentment.
After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, “I love you so much!.” They stared into each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant, they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t be.
I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I were invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?”
“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile and told me, “Two whole days!”
Two days?! I was stunned! I was certain by the intensity of the greeting I just witnessed that he’d been gone for at least several weeks, if not months, and I know my expression betrayed me. So I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), I said, “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”
The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with an intensity that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person.
He told me, “Don’t hope friend... decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless.” With that, he and his family turned and energetically strode away together.
I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, “What’cha looking at?” Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, “My future!”
(http://bluinc.com/free/secret.htm )
1. I want to say once again, how encouraged I am by the men of this church. Your faithfulness and your devotion to your marriages and families is an example this world needs to see to know the lies of the world are just that ~ they are lies. You are men who are doing all you can to be faithful husbands and fathers, I want to say “Thank you,” because you help to make our community, our society, and this church a much stronger place.
2. But if you know that you have not been the kind of father you hope to be, maybe today is the day you stop hoping and decide to take the necessary steps to be the kind of husband, father, and spiritual leader you need to be.
a. Spend generous amounts of time with your children.
b. Try to affirm your family members more and to be critical less.
c. Don’t just send them to church, but take them, and be the godly example at home of how God wants all people to live.
d. And finally, pray. Pray for yourself and pray for your family. Pray privately at times, and other times let them see and hear you pray for them. It will make all the difference in your life and in theirs.
3. If we can pray for you this morning, it would be our privilege to do so. Just as the mountains surround Jerusalem, we would pray that God would surround His people this morning. If there is a spiritual need that you need to share with us today, please come while together we stand and sing.
Invitation Song ~ “Surround Us, Lord”
Sermon by Noel Whitlock, Searcy, AR