#10. Make good use of excuses. Stay out of church because of hypocrites. For every Ananias and Sapphira who get zapped, a hundred other false Christians are hiding in the pews. Hurt feelings are always a good out. Remember: it’s never your fault.

#9. Stay busy running after the necessities of life, instead of putting first the Kingdom of God. After all, that’s what pagans do, heap up material things. Matthew 6:32-33.

#8. Be friends only with your little group. Everybody else is a bit weird. Matthew 5:47.

#7. Go in for ritual. Don’t worry with the heart, if you get the motions down right, that’s what the gods are looking for. Matthew 6:7.

#6. Power is the name of the game. Get as many people under your thumb as possible. Religion is a great venue for control and manipulation. All the while, make yourself out to be the great Benefactor. Mark 10:42; Luke 22:25.

#5. If it feels good, do it. Passion is good, let desire have rein. Otherwise, you’ll be repressed! 1 Thessalonians 4:5.

#4. Make the do-gooders look bad. Accuse them of legalism, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, inconsistency. Maybe nobody will notice that your criticisms have no basis. 1 Peter 2:12.

#3. Modernize. Keep up with the latest developments and trends. Restorationism is for old fogeys. You’ll never win a world with ancient ideas. Acts 17:21.

#2. Make your idol into god, because he’ll be mute, and you can make him say what you want. That way, your opinion becomes the word of god. 1 Corinthians 12:2.

#1. Deny the existence of God. Just do away with the whole god-problem with a single whack. Decide it’s all a hoax designed to keep people in line. When we’re dead, we’re done. And keep your fingers crossed that you’re right. Psalm 14:1.

–J. Randal Matheny @ www.forthright.net