We all have to deal with people every day, at work, at school, in the marketplace, and online. Everywhere you go, there is human interaction. With shelter-in-place orders going out everywhere, that interaction is changing. Now we are finding ourselves shut in with the same people day after day. I know we love our families, but I also know that being isolated with the same people for extended periods it is not uncommon for us to start losing patience with one another. Letting our frustrations get the better of us, we pop-off rude statements and lash out at things we might not normally be bothered by.
Author John Maxwell offers four suggestions in dealing with people that seem relevant in times like these, when our patience may begin to wear thin in our interactions with family.
1. Total Picture – Do not jump to conclusions before the problem has been laid out before you. That’s a common inclination for most of us. We tend to get angry because we assume too much about a person’s intentions and situation. Before jumping on people in frustration, we need to learn to ask questions, listen, ask more questions, and listen some more. James 1:19 reminds us to “be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
2. Timing – Knowing when to act is just as important as taking the right action. It can be equally important to know when NOT to act. This means slowing ourselves down and making sure we think about our words before they come out of our mouths. Learn to ask yourself questions like “Am I ready to confront?” and “Is the other person ready to listen?” If the answer to either of these is “no,” then it may be best to save the confrontation for another time.
3. Tone – It is not just a matter of what and when you speak, but how you speak. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Haven’t you found that to be true? People often respond more to our attitudes and actions than to our words. Many petty conflicts occur because people use the wrong tone of voice. The next time someone says something to you in anger, respond with gentleness and kindness. In response, the other person is likely to tone down, if not soften, his attitude.
4. Temperature – Maxwell writes, “As tempers flare, people are prone to dropping bombs when using a slingshot will do.” This is important to realize because the size of a problem changes based on the heat applied to it. Generally speaking, if our reaction is more heated than the action, the problem usually gets worse. If our reaction is less intense than the action, the problem usually decreases. Consider implementing what Maxwell calls the Reprimand Rule: Take thirty seconds to share feelings – and then it’s over. Anytime we let a little thing create a big reaction (longer than 30 seconds), then we’re bombs instead of slingshots.
Psychologist Abraham Maslow once observed, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” In the long run, that is a terrible way to treat people, in quarantine or anywhere else. As Christians, we need to employ more judicious treatment of other people. There is enough frustration and anger in this world that we do not need to add to it. May God empower us to deal with people the way he wants us to and increase our influence over them.
Cory Waddell