If you would like to kill the work of your local congregation, then I have the perfect plan:

1. Skip services often and encourage others to skip, too.
2. When you do attend, come in late and cause a little disturbance. While there, take a good nap.
3. Always be critical and nit-picky
4. Never volunteer to help, but always complain about the way the volunteers are doing things.
5. Even though you don’t want to volunteer, still act annoyed and put out when you don’t get an important job.
6. If asked directly to give your opinion, act like you don’t have one. Later, get on the phone and tell others how things should have been done in the first place.
7. Never do more than absolutely necessary, then accuse those who are doing the work of being a clique.
8. Withhold your contribution and tell-others why you don’t think they should support the work either.
9. When you do volunteer for a job, just do a half hearted mediocre job.
10. Never compliment or encourage any of the members.
11. Don’t bother with converting anyone, but if you do, then make sure that they are as negative and disruptive as you.
12. Every time you hear some juicy gossip be sure to tell everyone you can. After all, it is your duty to proclaim the truth. Your brethren have a right to know.

– by Mark White