In this well-known text, Solomon writes that everything has its time, its season. The same thing is true with parenting. Children go through stages (and parents do too!). Our responsibility as parents is to help navigate our children through these stages so we can help them mature into responsible adults.

The first stage (or “season”) is babyhood. It’s not like we need “Bible” to help us understand this point, but in 1 Thessalonians 2:7, Paul talks about how gentle a nursing mother tenderly cares for their own children. When our children are small, under two years old, mom’s life revolves around baby, because he or she needs it. The baby needs biological urges fulfilled and he or she can’t do it on their own. They need security and they need a sense of belonging.

The second stage begins roughly at two years old (which is why we have the “terrible twos”) and it involves mom and dad establishing their leadership over the child and helping him or her understand who has ultimate authority.  In a different context, but the principle is relevant, in 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul writes that when he was a child, he spoke like a child, thought like a child, reasoned like a child, but when he became a man, he put away childish things.

In this stage, which lasts until adolescence, mom and dad are helping the child understand who makes the rules (parents) and who is obligated to obey the rules (children). This is the stage where mom and dad help toddler through pre-teen begin regulating their own behavior. The better we train, the more free time mom and dad have.

In the third stage, the stage of adolescence, parents are mentors. We have already firmly established our authority in the hearts and lives of our teens. Now it’s time to help train them, mentor them, into accepting the roles and responsibilities that are necessary to move into adulthood.

We don’t know how old Timothy was when Paul brought him into his mission team in Acts 16. He might have been beyond the teen years, but my point is still the same – Paul was involving Timothy in leadership roles consistent with his ability and his age. Timothy seems to have had some self-image issues because Paul told Timothy such things as: God has not given to us a spirit of timidity (or fear), but of love, power, and discipline (2 Tim. 1:7). Paul told Timothy, “Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe” (1 Tim. 4:12).

Finally, we move into the stage or season of friendship. In this stage, we don’t have to “be” our children’s parents. They are internally motivated to do what is right; we only need to advise them when they need it. We are moving into the stage of friendship. They are adults now and we look at the world largely from the same perspective.

In 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, Paul told the Christians in Corinth: “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong, let all that you do be done in love.” We are training our children to become responsible adults so that we can be friends. That’s what we mean when we say “train up a child in the way he should go…” (Prov. 22:6).

Serve. Lead. Mentor. Friendship. Those are the “seasons” of parenting. Make a determined effort to lead your child through each season.

Paul Holland