JUST BECAUSE YOU have forgiven another person — and given up a desire to harm that person in return — doesn’t mean you have forgotten the event ever happened. . .

Fortunately, when people say “forgive and forget,” they usually mean that it’s necessary to put the infraction in the past.  There’s value in that, but forgiveness should not be measured in this way.  If putting the incident in the past means that you’ve given up holding it over your partner’s head, that’s right on. 

Another misconception related to “forgive and forget” is the belief that if a person still feels pain about what happened, he or she hasn’t really forgiven the one who caused the pain.  You can still feel pain about being hurt in some way, yet have fully forgiven the one who harmed you.  Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg, “Forgiveness and Restoration of Intimacy,” Fighting for Your Marriage, 219

“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”  Luke 17:3

Mike Benson