There are aspects of our personalities that we keep separate when we get married. We never, we should never, stop being our own person. But when you get married, and the longer you are married, the more you each bring out aspects of the other’s personality that are similar to yours. But often times, it is those aspects of our personalities that are not similar, that don’t change that can cause friction between us. Inevitably, there will be friction. There will be disagreements. There might even be arguments.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I would like to share some principles from God’s word that will help you strengthen your marriage or, if you are single, it will help you strengthen your relationships with your friends. I have 10 principles, so I give 5 today and 5 tomorrow.

KNOW YOURSELF:

In 2 Corinthians 13:5, the apostle Paul writes: “Examine yourself whether you are in the faith.” There are half-a-dozen times when the psalmist would say to God, “Search me,” or “Try me.” The psalmist knew himself and was calling to God to examine him as well, to be sure his life was proper in the eyes of God. Know yourself.

It is important for each of us to know who we are, what we want out of life, what our weaknesses are, and what are strengths are. We need to know ourselves. We need to pay attention to how we respond to the words and actions of others.

CHERISH YOUR MATE:

Read Ephesians 5:28-30. That word translated “cherishes” meant, at one time, to “warm.” It is used one other time in the NT, at 1 Thess. 2:7 in the context of a nursing mother tenderly caring for her own children. “Tenderly caring” is the same word as “cherish” here. So, Paul is telling husbands to “tenderly care” for your wife.

#3 – MAKE A UNIT OF YOURSELVES:

We are all familiar with God’s teaching Adam and Eve that when they got married, they were no longer two but “one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). It was based on that principle that Jesus forbids the dissolution of a marriage and the beginning of a second marriage except for sexual immorality in Matthew 19:1-9.

When you get married, don’t leave yourself tied to your parents. Do not leave yourself tied to your friends either. Form a new bond with your spouse.

#4 – ACQUIRE THE ART OF PHYSICAL LOVE:

A good sexual adjustment in marriage makes a strong marital bond. Let’s read Song of Solomon 2:3-6. Song of Solomon that illustrates how important the physical relationship is in a marriage. God designed the sexual relationship as a gift to men and women and we can enjoy it within the relationship which God has authorized – marriage.

#5 – PREPARE YOURSELF FOR PARENTHOOD:

We might go through an apprenticeship for 5 years, or we go to college for 2 years or 4 years, sometimes even longer. We prepare ourselves for a job so we can provide for our families. But how much preparation do we put in to being a parent?

Every child is a gift from God and every child deserves to be prepared by his or her parents to go back to God. Talk to your parents about child-rearing. Talk to your grand-parents. Talk to your peers about child-rearing. Read good books. James Dobson and John Rosemond are two of my favorite authors on child-rearing.

Paul Holland