As summer arrives, my mind always thinks of bouquets–and weddings! (Possibly more this year because two daughters are planning their weddings, too!) What an exciting time! I think it is a great idea to pass around a notebook at the bride-to-be’s shower and let everyone share words of wisdom with her. As women who trust in the Lord, let’s use these opportunities to give godly advice. I love the beautiful wording used in Proverbs 31:11, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” In what ways can a godly woman build her husband’s trust?

To start things off, if you are preparing for marriage, and you have said “yes” to a non-Christian man, please stop and re-evaluate. How can two people with different goals reach the same destination? If your heart belongs to God, and his doesn’t, you will not be serving the same master. There will be strife in your home, guaranteed. Please make time to read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. God warns us against such bonds, and marriage is the closest bond that we make here on earth.

If you are engaged to a Christian, your new husband will want to see that your love for God is the greatest love of all–even above your love for him (Mark 12:30). He should know that you will base your decisions on His approval first, and because you do this, you will strive to be the helpmeet that God wants you to be. Putting our love in the correct priority, God is our first love, and next in order will rightly be our husband. This may not be an issue at the start, but if children are added to the mix, your husband should still be priority over them. We are instructed to leave our father and mother and become one with him, not with our children. (Genesis 2:24) One of the best “gifts” we give our children is to love their daddy.

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Let your husband see that you will use your words to build him up and not to tear him down. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4) You prayed for this man, and chose to be his, now you should honor him accordingly, just as Sarah did. (1 Peter 3:5-6) Find areas in which you can compliment him, not only to others, but to him as well.

Your husband should trust that he is the only one that your intimate love will go to. “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” (Song of Solomon 6:3a) Our husband is the only man that we should flirt with and tease in a sexual, playful way. If we find ourselves dressing or acting in a certain way around another man, then it’s time for an “about face.” Office relationships can be dangerous because of the sheer amount of time spent sitting next to someone. If you see yourself getting too close to a man at your workplace, it’s time to switch jobs. Your marriage is worth it. One thing we gave our daughters in their early teen years was a purity ring. It was to remind them to keep themselves for the husband someday. They give these to their groom on their wedding day. Maybe still wearing this purity ring after the ceremony wouldn’t be such a bad idea? A constant reminder, alongside their wedding band,  to keep themselves only for their husband.

Next, your husband should see that your heart is in your home. “A wise woman builds her house.” (Proverbs 14:1) The world around will call you to do many things, but a woman in her greatest capacity will work to create a godly home. Titus 2:5 gives us more encouragement in this area also. If you are an older Christian woman, take time to encourage a young woman to be a homemaker. Let’s make our homes a peaceful place of comfort and use our time there wisely. (Proverbs 31:27)

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Express to your hubby that you, Lord–willing, want to bear his children. You may think this is a “given” in a Christian marriage, but some couples choose not to have a family. Medical reasons are understandable, but choosing not to have children is not what the Scriptures teach. God told Noah and his sons to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 9:1). He certainly did not expect this one family to fill the earth! Of all the people to populate  the earth, shouldn’t we, as Christians, want to bring more children into this world to train as soldiers for the Lord?

This leads right into our next objective for a godly marriage, that you will “think souls.” Not only will you train the “arrows” that God blesses you with, but your husband will see you looking for, and reaching out to those who are searching. “He who is wise wins souls.” (Proverbs 11:30) We should not be Christians in name only. Concentrate on not seeing people as neighbors, co-workers, or salesman, but as lost souls who need the saving Message. Let your door be open to inviting friends over to see how warm a Christian home can be. Who knows who your next guest may be? (Hebrews 13:2)

Let your husband see that you will be content–wherever you are, and in every circumstance. It is my opinion that many young couples expect too much, right from the start. It takes many years of working together to build a home. Be content with what you have been given. I received a wedding gift of a hand-stitched picture that simply states, “Home Sweet Home.” It has hung in every home we’ve shared, whether it was a mobile home, apartment, or a single family home. It reminds me that wherever my husband and I are together, THAT is home. “…for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” (Philippians 4:11)

Finally, we will look only at the second part of our key verse, “and he will have no lack of gain,” (Proverbs 31:11b) His heart trusts in her because she helps to build their home. A couple devoted to God and each other will benefit not only their spouse, but the Kingdom as well. What a beautiful image we read of in Ephesians 5:22-33 where two people come together as one, just as Christ has only one bride. Husbands love their wives as their own flesh, and the wife respects her husband.

As those around us preach distorted messages of what makes a couple, and what makes a family, let us uphold God’s definitions. If the Lord has blessed you with a godly husband, and you have had years to grow together, take time to encourage a young wife in His ways, and in what worked for you. Be proud of what the Lord has done for you. “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26).

Robin Martin

Are you familiar with something called a Chapter 11? If so, did a chill just run down your spine? Chapter 11 is the result of financial ruin and requires declaring bankruptcy. But following the devastation of a Chapter 11, a fresh, new start is possible when all priorities are reorganized and restructured.

Did you know that King David, a scriptural hero, experienced a chapter 11 disaster? His life lay in ruin – just not in the financial sense. But, in II Samuel 11, King David found himself spiritually bankrupt by his sins of pride, lust, adultery, and murder. (Yikes, these are a serious list by anyone’s standard.) David had tumbled so deeply it took a “come-to-Jesus” meeting with Nathan before he recognized his sin. Then, like with financial bankruptcy, David began the painful process of restructuring and reorganizing his faith priorities.

As king, David could have swept the entire adultery/murder fiasco under his Persian rug. But as David’s life lay in ruin, he cried out to God for cleansing. Then, David did what he did so well: He wrote of his sin and redemption for all to read. His painful journey is publicly recorded in Psalm 51. Here is the short of it:

(Psalm 51:3-4) David ADMITTED his sin. “I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.”

(Psalm 51: 10) David SUBMITTTED his heart back to God. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

(Psalm 51:13) David COMMITTED to using his tragedy to help others. “Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to You.”

Our lives will contain a broken chapter 11 somewhere along our journey. Our sinful pride will bring seasons of hardship, trials, and faith-weakness. But, friend, take heart. David’s legacy was not defined by one unfortunate chapter. Following the disaster of chapter 11, David found the Father’s sweet redemption in chapter 12. When we admit our sin, submit our hearts back to God, and commit ourselves to saving others, our priorities will be restructured and reorganized, and God’s precious grace and redemption will reclaim us as His own.

Father God, O what love you show us through Your redemption! Thank you!

Blessings of sweet redemption,

Rita Cochrane

Ephesians 4:24 “And to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” ESV

Several years ago, when our family lost a brother to addiction, I was forever grateful to friends who loved us and prayed us through the tragedy. About a year following Mark’s death, one of those friends dropped by my house. (Now, this was one of those dear ones who speaks straight truth in Christian love, with a side of, “Bless your heart.”)

In my entryway sat a large potted plant from my brother’s funeral. Adorning this peace lily was an enormous white funeral bow I had left intact just as the florist had delivered. My sweet friend pointed at it and said, “I’m going to tell you this because I love you. That bow screams, ‘funeral home!’ You need to take it off.”

After she said this, I did recall previous guests commenting on my funeral plant, but it never dawned on me why they assumed it came from a funeral. Obviously, my friend was right. So without hesitation, I removed the bow, realizing that indeed this screaming funeral-bow announced the plant’s origin.

Our lives are so very reminiscent of that funeral bow. Our actions as Christians should shout to the world that we are God’s children and possess His godly DNA. His righteousness and holiness should be seen in us.

So consider this. . .

As we stand in that slow grocery store check-out line, is God’s goodness evident in all we say and do?  If we begin those heavy sighs, those eye rolls, and we strain on tip-toes to glare at the problem customer holding up progress, do others see the Father’s patience in us? Or just perhaps do those obnoxious sighs and hateful stares scream to the rest of the patrons, “Hurry Up! I’m more important than you!”

Bleacher-sitting at our child’s ballgame when the ump makes a ridiculous call, do our loud shouts and exaggerated arm gestures suggest to the spectators and players that we are children of God? Do others hear the Father’s holiness coming from us amidst our deafening insults?

Each day offers us opportunities to shine God’s righteousness and holiness. When the fruit of God’s spirit dwells within us, our actions will shout to the world (like a funeral bow) our origin. And friend, we are children of the Heavenly Father.

Father God, help us to meet each opportunity in a manner that demonstrates Your holiness. 

Blessings,

Rita Cochrane

This is from the heart of an older woman to those younger women who are wives and mothers.  My hope is to encourage you and challenge you in your very important role.

I’ve titled this lesson “Their Hearts Are in Your Hands,” based on one line from a song that is 35 years old.  Styx’s song “Babe” has a line in it that sobers me when I think about my husband and my daughters:  “my heart is in your hands”

Do you realize the power we have? Our words. Our actions. Our moods.   Our examples. We have a great influence in our family.

In this lesson, I will address you as if we were talking face to face, but please know that I am addressing myself as well.

Your husband’s heart is in your hands!

Can he trust you with his heart?

Your husband needs to know you love and respect him. One way to show this is by being grateful. Tell him how very thankful you are for all he does for you and for your family. Never ever EVER make him feel like he’s not good enough! Live within your means. If you don’t have the money to go here or eat there, live in gratitude anyway. Be proud of your husband and how he provides for you. His heart is in your hands!

Your husband needs to know that you will always be faithful to him. Never go to a book or a movie or the internet to find fulfillment. I’m sure you wouldn’t want him to go elsewhere. Make sure he knows that he’s your only superman, your only hero, your only love. His heart is in your hands!

Your husband needs to feel safe to reveal himself to you. Never tell his secrets, his weaknesses, or your “marital issues” to others. If your girlfriends are bashing their husbands or their marriages, please don’t join in. Talking about others is called gossip, and it’s wrong. It’s good to keep things where they belong. If you’re having issues with the checkbook, leave it there. If it’s the in-laws, leave it there. If it’s the bedroom, PLEASE leave it there. Remember his heart is in your hands!

Your husband needs to know you’re living for Christ, and that you’re being a godly mother. Are you practicing your Christianity throughout the week? Are you training your little boys and girls to love Jesus? Do you do your Bible class homework? Do you help your children learn their verses and Bible stories for their classes? These are all so important to your husband’s well-being. He needs to know that while he is at work, you are also at work in your role. A good man wants his family to go to heaven with him. Keep striving and growing in this area. His heart is in your hands!

Your child’s heart is in your hands!

She doesn’t even know that you have her heart in your hands – but you do. Please be careful! Use your power for good and for God. [note:  I’ll be using the pronouns she and her (had to choose one or the other) – obviously this goes for boys, too.]

You’re preparing her heart to serve God and others. You’re preparing her heart to love. Show her that she is beautiful, that she is important, that she is loved. Below are some do’s and don’t’s to keep in mind when tending to her heart.

Always listen to her. She may talk about childish things and have childish concerns – she’s supposed to. Never pretend to listen while your eyes are on a screen. That’s just rude! Show her by your example how to be a good listener. Show her that her words are important and valuable to you. Her heart is in your hands!

Always “light up” when she enters a room. Really! Look up and smile at her.    Every time. Let her see the love you have for her in your eyes and in your smile. You are her example, and this will teach her how to respond to the people she loves. Her heart is in your hands!

Always let her help. This is difficult sometimes, but so important. There will always be something she can do to help. You may need to be creative, but keep at it. This will allow her to take over some responsibilities as she grows up. Letting her contribute shows her that she is valuable and an important part of the family. Her heart is in your hands!

Always forgive completely. You know, the way you want to be forgiven. Clean-slate forgiven! Past mistakes should never be brought up to her again. Remember I mentioned not gossiping about your husband? The same goes for your children. Her heart is in your hands!

Never spoil her. Ever. Teach her the value of “making do” with what she has. Show her how to make things instead of buying them. Show her how to wait for things. Show her how to do without. This will aid her so much in life! She will be a better spouse, a better parent, and a better Christian later in life if she is taught to live within your means now. Gratitude is such an important virtue. Teach it early and often. Her heart is in your hands!

Finally (and most importantly), always protect her spiritual heart. Teach her God’s Word. Teach her to love God’s people. Teach her to think logically.  Teach her how to study God’s Word for herself. You are preparing her to follow God on her own someday—give her all the tools she’ll need.

It won’t be long before her heart will be in His hands!

The Golden Rule

Basically, this whole lesson comes down to following the Golden Rule.

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.”  Matthew 7:12a

Think how easily you could break your husband’s or your child’s heart (and spirit). Treat their hearts the way you would want them to treat your heart!

It’s true: Their hearts are in your hands!

Related verses:
Proverbs 26:20; Proverbs 31; Matthew 7:12; Matthew 18:21-35; Romans 12;   Ephesians 5:22-24; Titus 2:2-5

By Jennifer Jensen

I Samuel 25:17-18a “Now therefore, know and consider what you will do… Then Abigail made haste…”

Don’t we love to wake up to the perfect start of our day? The coffee is hot, inbox is purged, google calendar is updated, and to top it off, it’s a good hair day. But then without warning, craziness and pandemonium roll in like an avalanche threatening suffocation.

One thing is for sure: “Crazy” always arrives unwelcomed, and once on the scene, crazy spreads like crazy. But if we think about it, life was never intended for perpetual bliss. (Oh, that place exists, but not on this side of eternity.) So, for here and now, our earthly moments of calm will be hijacked by crazy!

I’m so grateful, scripture offers us mentors to guide us through the craziness of life. My favorite is Abigail because she remains forever calm on the pages of scripture.

Sweet Abigail was married to foolish Nabal, who, amid her holiday preparation, threw her world into chaos. Solving this debacle was placed solely upon Abigail when a servant appealed to her:

“Now therefore, know and consider what you will do… Then Abigail made haste…” (I Samuel 25:17-18a)

If you read her story, you might be astounded at how Abigail kept her calm. She did not fly off the handle nor make threats. She did not sit to stew over it. Instead, she, “made haste” to solve the issue.

How did Abigail triumph so quickly? Let me suggest that prior to that day, residing within Abigail’s heart was a moral compass calibrated towards God. There was no need for her to delay action so that she might consider godly plans and options. Her values steered her towards humility, peace, generosity, respect, and calm. These practices already lived within her heart.

An ill-calibrated moral compass leads us to fly-off-the-handle when things go wrong. Anger and revenge become our landing place and righteous judgement gets crowded out. But living a life immersed in God’s Word instills within us a moral compass that inspires and guides us to peaceful godly solutions.

I want to be like Abigail when I grow up. Now before you laugh, remember, today is a new day. Anything is possible! So, friend, join me in recalibrating our compass towards God, so when crazy shows up (and it will), we will be Abigail-ready!

Father God, may we seek you as our destination for all the chaos life brings.

Blessings,

Rita Cochrane

So here I am, walking through life, growing up, getting married, becoming a mother, soon becoming a mother in law, when out of the blue Kristy Huntsman comes along and BAM, I’m editor of a new feature, “From The Heart Of An Older Woman”. When did “older” happen??!!!  Surely not me! Why, on the inside I still feel like that confused teenager just trying to figure life out. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years is that if you think someone looks like they have it all together, they’re possibly faking it! And of all the people in the world to have any wisdom or knowledge to help younger women, what on earth can I possibly offer, because I’m still that teenager!

No, wait, I’m not a teenager. I did find that great Christian guy who promised to love me “until death we do part”, but old age and death was so far away. So now I’m a shiny new wife, and I realize just how much I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! I began consuming books on being a great wife, of course I went to the Bible to see what God expected of me. And then came the questions, “Am I submitting to my husband enough?” “Does my husband feel comfortable in the home I lovingly decorated? Will I ever conquer homemaking?”  Married life went on, we had our struggles and our triumphs, and after some time we had a baby, bringing a whole new season of my life: motherhood.

So now I’m a young mother, and I realize just how much I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! I consumed parenting books, some written by Christian authors and some not, I went to God’s word for advice (hmm, spanking doesn’t kill them, good to know) and I prayed. Oh how I prayed. I wanted so much for this little soul who God had placed in my care. I wanted him to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. I poured my life into this one child and then wait a minute, what’s this? Now I have two children? And they’re not the same?  It becomes  a racing game, this child has this need, while this child has that need, and the questions always circling through my brain, “Am I doing enough?” “What am I missing in their raising that I can improve upon tomorrow?” “How on earth will I ever conquer homemaking with two children in the house???”  And the diaper years (will they ever be totally potty trained?)  became the toddler years, the toddler years (more juice, more goldfish crackers, more hugs and snuggles?) became the pre-school years, the pre-school years (are their minds being stimulated enough?) became the school years, and I still had the sneaking suspicion  that all the other parents had it all figured out while I was totally faking it.

And so my little family kept cruising through life, some days I felt like I had it all together, but most days I was sure I did not. Am I still honoring my husband as well as I should? Am I raising my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord enough? Is my family’s light shining as an example of what a Christian family ought to be? Am I making sure that we’re living a Christian life behind closed doors, and not just when everyone is looking ? And hey, will I EVER conquer homemaking?

And the school years became the tween years (IMPENDING PUBERTY, AAAAAGH!) and the tween years became the teen years (oh, this isn’t so bad) and with the teen years came two very late nights  (several years apart) in which a head peaked into our bedroom as we prepared for bed, and with humble, sincere hearts, let us know that they were ready to put on their Lord in baptism. Oh those were shining nights! Goodbye sleep, hello church building in the wee hours, and then I’m hugging my precious new sibling in Christ, perhaps I’m doing something right! The day is coming when I will be handing my child’s life into their own hands, they will be a child no more. The teen years become years of shifting, letting the kite string out, so to speak, as they learn to navigate their life on their own, and oh how I want to be sure to give room where needed, while tugging that string back at the appropriate times. The day is coming when my” kites” will fly on their own, but not yet, oh not yet.
So my teens keep growing, and romance enters the picture, yikes! Young hearts opening up to let another in, oh yes I prayed! I prayed and talked, encouraged and informed. Did I teach enough about being equally vs. unequally yoked?  Did I teach enough about guarding the heart? Did I teach enough about guarding purity? Did I teach enough about cherishing the other person’s heart and purity? Ongoing conversations, prayers for wisdom, knowing that there’s still a younger sibling who is watching all this and who will walk this road one day as well. I began praying for my children’s future spouses back when my own children were infants, is this one the one for whom I’ve been praying all these years? (Yes, she is, and will be changing her name to Sparks this May!)

Oh, and will I EVER conquer homemaking???

And then one day, I am asked to become the editor for a monthly series for Come Fill Your Cup on “From The Heart Of An Older Woman”, and I realize that somewhere in all those years of diapers and sippy cups and school work, I have become an older woman. One who maybe has some things figured out…well, enough to help those just starting out upon the path that I am now 43 years along. I, with some much wiser older women, will be writing articles targeted toward helping those young teens, those newlyweds, those new moms so unsure of themselves and yet wanting with all their hearts to be the Christian women God wants them to be. I will be counting on the talents of much wiser and yes, older, women to help me out. You see, I’m still growing. I’m still learning to navigate through new waters, such as being a mother-in-law, calmly accepting those wrinkles, becoming a grandparent,  and learning more and more to accept the fact that all of this is looking forward to the end of my life, and that day when I must stand before God and give account for my life. At the end of it all, the only words I want to hear are, “Well done faithful servant”, but I need all the help I can get, and I know there are so many women out there who feel the same way.  And so this monthly article will be here to help all of us, no matter where we are on the path of life, to learn about the twists and turns that life can throw at us. We will be learning from older Christian women who are up ahead, clearing the path and looking back to cheer us all on our eternal journey.

And hey, along the way maybe they can help me conquer homemaking!

Karla Sparks

A few months back, Glenn and I got a call while in a restaurant that two men we love, an aged father and very sick (stage four) 64-year-old son, were ready to be baptized. We hurried over and, realizing our baptistry had a problem, were busy heating water on the stove to add to the frigid baptistry water. There were complications in the small things (…It took three men to immerse the aged father,) But the big thing—the salvation of two precious souls—was mercifully achieved that night. You can read about that here: https://thecolleyhouse.org/the-new-younger-brother

Jessie is the father. Jessie Neal is the son. Neal died last week and, yesterday, I attended his funeral. I was taken aback when I peered into the casket and saw this very marked-up copy of the Word. Neal’s mother, sitting on a stool beside the casket, said,, “He wanted it to be opened to Acts 2. He sat through every live-stream with Bible and notebook and pen in hand and he listened and diligently took notes every single time.”

The open page was not the only page that was marked and re-marked. The amazing thing about this Bible was that all the marking had occurred within a relatively short time. His mother explained that he just started studying when he knew his time on earth was short. Every marking in the Bible and all those notebooks were made in just a few short months prior to his death! What if we all studied this diligently and took the blessings of deep study into lives that, though His mercies, get to continue on for years? What would be the sum of the souls we could influence?

I’m so thankful for that night when Jessie Neal, after studying deeply, said to his dad “I’m ready to go and be baptized. Are you coming with me?”  I had spoken with Jessie Partridge, Neal’s dad on more than one occasion, about his soul. He knew truth. he had attended the services with his wife, Jeanette, for many years. But Jessie Partridge would not listen to me. He was a always kind and polite, but he was indifferent to the urgency of salvation. It took his dying son’s pointed question to move him to the waters of baptism. That night, when they were buried with Christ, of course, was the focus of Glenn’s remarks at this funeral. As of last week, no other day in Jessie Neal’s life really mattered. His race cars and motorcycles and the country music of his younger years were, suddenly, utterly irrelevant. It just mattered that he had died in Christ. That’s all.

I’m so thankful for Matthew 20:1-16, where the Lord of the vineyard made it clear that those who labor from the latest hour in the day, are mercifully give the eternal reward. Neal was not ever able to be a great elder or preacher. He never led a song or a public prayer. But, then, none of us ever give anything valuable to our God who needs nothing. Neal Just gave what he had, once he surrendered his will.

I’m so thankful that Ezra, my ten-year-old grandson,  was beside the grave and witnessed the military honors being given to Jessie Neal. Ezra was impressed, having never seen that before. But I’m a thousand times more thankful that Ezra was sitting in the wings off the stage of that funeral home, a few feet from his grandfather who was conducting the service, as Ezra heard about the night Jessie Neal was baptized into Christ and and about how that one event is the only one that matters now.

I’m thankful that two of our elders were pall-bearers. As they walked to the front to carry that body to its resting place, I thought about how differently this service would look if it had not been for that night in those frigid waters.

Are you someone who can start working in the vineyard today? Even if it is a late hour in your life, heaven can still be yours. I‘d love the privilege of opening up the Word with you. Oh, there’s a lot of little fires to put out in my life and yours right now. I know you are busy. But none of those little fires holds a candle to the eternal fire that can be extinguished for those who are still on time’s side of eternity. Let’s talk about the one thing that will matter when you leave this world.

Cindy Colley

Ok ladies, I’m about to tell you something that may shock you. It may absolutely blow your mind. I hope you are sitting down. Ready?
You are surrounded by imperfect people and at times, those imperfect people just might do something or say something that hurts your feelings.

GASP! Shocking! How dare someone offend you! Isn’t there some law that says I have a right to never be offended? The nerve of some people!!!

Alright, now that the shock is wearing off, let’s talk about how God wants us to behave when we become offended.

First of all, keep your words and temper in check! Striking out with that perfect zinger may feel great in the moment, but hasty words spoken in anger can cause more harm than good. How many times have you tossed and turned at night regretting words that came out of your mouth during the day? (Of course sometimes in biting your tongue, you may spend some prideful time ruminating over that perfect comback that just now came to you! But again, you can sleep peacefully knowing that you don’t have spoken words to regret.) God has some great advice for avoiding lost sleep in James 1:19b-20, “…But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

[Tweet “Striking out with that perfect zinger may feel great in the moment, but hasty words spoken in anger can cause more harm than good. “]

It’s important to always keep the “end game” in mind. We’re all going to stand before God one day and it’s up to us whether or not we achieve the righteousness of God. If the anger of man keeps us from His righteousness, then we must do all we can to avoid it. While there is a time and place for righteous anger, the best way to be discerning is to train ourselves to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Sounds easy right? No, it doesn’t. That’s because biting your tongue requires so much more strength than shooting off at the mouth. We live in a world that teaches strength lies in confrontation, speaking your mind, and “telling it like it is”. How often have you heard, “If I don’t like something, I’m going to tell you about it, that’s just how I am”? I would like to humbly submit that the world is not the standard we should live by, rather we should follow the example of Jesus who said, “…whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” (Matthew 5:39b) May I also point out that God is never ok with a prideful, unrepentant heart that hardens around the phrase, “that’s just the way I am”. God calls us to be better, to improve, and to grow.

Did you know you have control over your feelings? You can choose not to be offended. When you overhear another woman say something rude, you can choose not to react. When you see a sister post something on facebook that makes light of something you take very seriously, you can choose to keep your anger to yourself. I know this is a struggle for many, it’s a struggle for me as well. As we struggle, it’s important to keep in mind that we can find peace in God’s word!

[Tweet “Did you know you have control over your feelings? You can choose not to be offended.”]

We all know about First Corinthians 13, a.k.a. “The Love Chapter”. I’d like to hone in on one verse in particular, the first part of verse 7 which reads, “(love) bears all things”. What does it mean to “bear” all things? The word “bear” literally means to cover! I like the way brother Hugo McCord translated this verse, “Love covers with silence the faults of others.” So if we are to love one another, then true love will take offensive behavior and just cover that offense with a blanket of silence. In other words, if we are offended, it’s ok to just let it go and move on! And what a blessing it is to see others through forgiving eyes. If sister so and so says something that hurts my feelings, isn’t it better to look at her with eyes of Christian love and think, “I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by that!” and then move on? Oh to be so liberated of offences!

Never forget, one being who is absolutely thrilled when we are easily offended is Satan. Hurt feelings destroy Christian unity. We become weaker by the devil’s darts of disharmony and discouragement. The devil wants us to collect offenses, storing them away to be pulled out and frequently examined like precious gems. Satan loves it when we dwell on our hurt feelings. Self-pity parties are his playground. Sadly, this festering of feelings can lead to disinterest in fellowship with your Christian family, particularly in worship. Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t want to sit in the same pew as all those hypocrites!” Where do you think that sentiment comes from? It’s from the father of lies himself. Don’t let hurt feelings drive a wedge between you and your brothers and sisters in Christ. We need each other. Together we are stronger, separated we are weakened.

[Tweet “Satan loves it when we dwell on our hurt feelings. Self-pity parties are his playground.”]

A-ha, but what about Matthew 5:23-24? “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the alter, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”

Please note that this does not say, “If your brother has offended you…go be reconciled”, rather it says, “If your brother has something against you…go be reconciled”. In other words, this doesn’t mean we should say, “Hey, sister so and so offended me, I have to go confront her about it!” It’s not my “Christian duty” to speak up every time my feelings are hurt. We all know people who get their feelings hurt at the tiniest little things, people who expect the world to tiptoe around their fragile feelings at all times. Patience must be summoned when dealing with a thin skinned sister.

If you are someone struggling with thin skin, if you are one who is easily hurt by others, I’d like to encourage you to strive to grow stronger skin. Perhaps it is not that everybody is out to hurt your feelings, rather perhaps you are simply assuming the worst of others. It’s not fair to your sisters if you always assume they are trying to hurt you. The golden rule applies here, “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” (Luke 6:31) Do you want others to weigh every word you utter, seeking any excuse to become offended? No? Then offer them the same courtesy and think the best of them. Perhaps if you are easily offended, the problem is one that requires some personal spiritual housekeeping.

With all this said, it is simply not possible to go through life and never have your feelings hurt. There will be times when your feelings aren’t just hurt, they are crushed! Mangled! Oh the dispair of a well-aimed dart of cruelty, whether thrown intentionally or unintentionally. How should we deal with injured feelings?

It’s very important at this point to avoid that very tempting trap of gossip! Going to a third party sister to vent about someone, building up sympathy for yourself and causing her to grow feelings of resentment against the offender is never pleasing to God. Cliques and factions in a congregation often begin with hurt feelings begging others to take sides against another. Yes, sometimes we need to seek advice in dealing with a situation, but there is a fine line between seeking counsel and gossip. Be aware and do not cross that line!

The best balm for hurt feelings is to go to our Father in prayer! We can pour out our hurts to the One who is always there. “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you…” (Psalm 55:22a) As women, we all know that sometimes you just need to talk things out with someone, so why not talk it out with the Someone who loves you the most? He will hear, He will understand, and there is great comfort in spilling out our sorrows to the great Comforter. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Ah, the peace of God! There is no other greater comfort than pouring out your heart to Him. But while in prayer, seek for resolution as well as comfort. Don’t just tell God about your hurt, pray for the one who hurt you. In doing so, you just might discover empathy for her. Perhaps she was having a bad day. Maybe she has valid reasons for how she feels, even though they conflict with your own very valid reasons. It’s so easy to demonize that which offends us. Strive to keep the offense separate from the total character of the offender.

[Tweet “Don’t just tell God about your hurt, pray for the one who hurt you.”]

One thing to keep in mind is, there have almost certainly been times when you mistakenly, accidentally offended someone. Are you a bad, unloving, uncaring person for doing so? No! You are simply human. It logically follows that the person who offended you may have had no ill will toward you at all, your feelings simply got caught in the crossfire of conversation. So why not just think the best of that person, cover their fault with silence, pray about it, and then move on in Christian harmony? This is what Peter meant when he encouraged, “…all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9)

Now, this is not to say that there aren’t people who enjoy saying things to intentionally hurt you. There may be times in your life when you come across a true enemy who, for whatever reason, will not be gotten along with. This is another discussion for another time, (March 2016 article perhaps?) but for now I will say, prayer can go a long way in helping you deal with an enemy.

I guess what all this boils down to, once again, is to love. “Love one another, for love is of God. He who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” (1 John 4:7-8) If we are truly loving one another, applying patience, kindness, humility and silence when we are offended, then even through moments of hurt feelings we can continue to press on together, in harmony, toward our heavenly goal. Let’s strive to walk the Christian path arm in arm, joyfully united, for together we are stronger!

Karla Sparks

In First Kings 20, towards the end of the chapter, a prophet appears to King Ahab. If you don’t know about King Ahab, he was declared by God to be the worst king of all the kings of Israel. He was a cowardly king, one who allowed his wife (Jezebel) to control him and the kingdom.

In the story, Ahab had fought in two battles with King Benhadad of Syria. He won both battles. He won because God said, “You shall know that I am the LORD.”  Our merciful God was giving him a chance to repent, but he was sadly too involved in Baal worship.

Instead of destroying everything and everyone, Ahab allowed King Benhadad to talk him into a peace treaty. Benhadad set all the rules for the treaty, and Ahab agreed to them. When Ahab did not kill Benhadad, God sent the prophet to him with a message in the form of a parable.

This was the parable. There was a battle, and one of the soldiers took a prisoner. He took the prisoner to his servant and told him to watch the prisoner at all costs. If he lost the prisoner, he would pay with his life or pay a talent of silver.

The servant was busy doing this and that, and the prisoner was gone. Ahab didn’t wait to cast his judgment on the soldier. He said that what the soldier had predicted should take place, just as he said it would. The prophet’s message was. “Thus says the LORD, ‘Because you have let go out of your hand the man whom I had devoted to destruction, therefore your life shall be for his life, and your people for his people.’” In other words, “You let Benhadad live, so you will pay with your life.”

Instead of Ahab falling on his knees and begging for forgiveness, he went home angry and sullen. He didn’t like the message of the prophet, and his reaction was not the one God or the prophet had hoped for.

I see two lessons in this story. The first is this:  when God gives us a command, we should obey it. Though we are not commanded to destroy anyone, we have the New Testament to show us what God wants us to do. We may not understand why He wants us to obey certain things or do them a certain way, but ours is not to question.

Second, when we are corrected because we are in a sinful situation, been willingly disobedient, or refused to obey a command, we should not go away angry and pout. We should repent and look to God for help.

God is still a merciful God. He is always looking for sinners ready to repent and be obedient to His will. God will forgive over and over as long as we seriously repent of our sins.

May we all adapt an attitude of humbleness when we are corrected for our mistakes.

Sandra Oliver