I stumbled awkwardly into the kitchen with my casserole in hand. I walked over to the warmer, slid my dish into it, and turned to walk away when I heard this taking place:
- “You are such a lazy bum! Get over here and help me put ice in these cups. You are such a man-child!”
- “Ok, ok, I’m coming, don’t get all bent out of shape!”
- The young woman then turned to me and stated,
- “He is such a child. All he does is play video games and Skype people. I wish he would just grow up!”
This scene, and the fact that I got brought into it, made my face flush red with embarrassment for the husband on the other end of the counter. I paused to think of words of wisdom a “seasoned” wife could give to this younger couple, but instead, I blurted out in frustration,
“He wouldn’t act like a child if you stopped treating him like one. He is a MAN, and dogging him like that in public is totally inappropriate and embarrassing for all who have to hear it.”
Some would find this scene normal in the modern household. Society has taken the wonderful masculinity found in real homes demonstrated through TV characters such as Andy Griffith and replaced it with the “bumbling dad” found in pretty much all TV shows today. These dads are treated like children by their wives and manipulated by their children. This imagery has been a major cause in the battle as to who has the submission hold over whom in countless marriages.
In the book, Sons of Dust, by Chris Clevenger, Clevenger using a Biblical stance on all things “man” has this to say about man’s character:
“He is connected with the earth, for he is made from the dust. Nevertheless, he reigns in dominion over all that God created. He is industrious, driven, passionate, tender, and creative. He is a protector and a provider. He is God’s companion and is the counterpart to the crown of God’s creation- the Woman.”
How can a man be all these dominate things yet allow themselves to be submissive husbands? Authentic, godly men are submissive to the right thing. The Creator. How can men “man up” and be the submissive leaders they were created to be? Some feel that to man up they should dominate their household with a cruel hand. Some simply forfeit the responsibility of leader all together, allowing themselves to be treated as a man-child, and disrespected by their children. What’s the balance? What does a submissive husband look like, and how does it affect the entire household?
Real Men Submit
When a man puts on Christ in baptism, he casts off self, and submits his will to the will of the Father. Romans 12:1-2 describes this as living a sacrificial life that is continually transformed by the will of God. This spiritual renewal is only accomplished if men are willing to allow God to mold them. When a man abandons the desire to rule his life (Proverbs 3:5-6, Romans 8:7) and allows God to take control, God’s characteristics of justice, strength, and discernment penetrate the hearts of godly men. This transformation shines brightly in all their relationships. As a wife, this example being shown to me through my husband truly helps me submit myself to his leadership when at times, I stubbornly do not want to because of selfishness. His example of submission makes me want to better myself as his wife. I know he is submitting himself to the perfect will of God. I trust in God, and I trust in my husband’s submission to God. Therefore, I submit myself to the both of them out of a thankful heart.
Real Men Lead Boldly & in Humility
The greatest example of bold humility ever shown is in that of Christ. He was man enough to fight for injustice, protect the helpless, and lead mankind to the Creator, all while remaining gentle and humble towards mankind. He was THE ultimate example of a submissive husband (Ephesians 5:25-27) as he leads and protects his bride, the church. As a wife, knowing that my husband makes decisions for our family based on his sacrificial love for us makes my heart melt. I can’t imagine how hard it is to bear the blissful burden of being a husband. I respect it and am thankful for the men out there who seek God’s will for their families, and makes decisions based on this fact, and this fact alone. Real men are confident in their decision making, because God’s will is in the forefront, and they do not allow themselves to be swayed by pushy wives, demanding kids, or helicopter parents in their marriages.
Marriage is many things, but one of the most important things it represents is the sacrificial love Christ has for his church. This imitation is demonstrated beautifully in the equal submission of both husband and wife in sacrificial love. Men are called to lead their families, as they follow the will of God. This leadership is not genuine if submission to the Father and a desire to lead boldly and in humility is not present.