Last week, as I was scanning our local newspaper, the title of an article caught my attention. I am not in a habit of reading Dear Abby, but I was intrigued by the title, “Joyful Marriage Is Based On 3 Rules.”
What went through my mind was, “I wonder how someone thinks they can have a great marriage with just 3 rules.” So, I decided to read it.
A husband had written that there are many letters about unhappily married women. He declared that he had been happily married for 33 years to a woman that had a good, clear perspective on marriage. He then listed 3 pearls of wisdom:
- “Don’t sulk because your husband can’t read your mind. Trust him; he’d like to help. And listen to your tone as you point out how he can.”
- “The way you talk about him to your friends is an expression of your fidelity. Talk about him honestly, but with respect.”
- Be clear that while your husband might say he’d like to treat you like a queen, you’re both better off being equals-partners, side-by-side.”
It occurred to me that what this man said about the way his wife treats him is a reflection of what the Bible tells us about the husband/wife relationship. After all, the Bible is our authority, not Abby or her readers.
Let’s go back to the book of Genesis. After God created the world and placed the animals in it, He created man. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’” (Genesis 2:18 ESV). God then took a rib from the side of man and created woman. Adam said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:23-24).
From these verses we can see that woman was created as a helper for man. She was not created for him to treat her like a slave or for him to mistreat her.
The husband helping the wife is easy to see from a letter Paul wrote to the Ephesians. He said, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). One does for the other just as Christ does for the church, and the church does in turn to others in the name of Christ. Husbands are also told in verse 28, “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” That is exactly what this man was talking about in his letter.
Back in verse 21 of Ephesians 5, Paul speaks to these people about the necessity of their submitting themselves to one another. He wanted them to treat each other with respect, not thinking of themselves more highly than they should. He goes on to explain that this is “Out of reverence for Christ.”
Paul follows this with instructions to the wives, “Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Ephesians 5:22-23). Now before you get undone by that idea of submitting to your husband, look at the rewards you get from this kind of relationship:
- You are submitting to him out of respect to the Lord. You will be rewarded for that.
- This relationship is like the relationship Christ has with the church, and Christ gave His life for the church.
- The Bible commands it, and we will be rewarded for our obedience.
- The husband is to love his wife as himself. If he is obedient to this, he will care for her as he cares for his own person.
Granted, these commandments must be obeyed by both the husband and the wife. I also realize that doesn’t always happen, but we are talking about men and women who want the right kind of marriage and the right kind of home.
The last verse of Ephesians 5 says, “And let the wife see that she respects her husband.” This is what the gentleman that wrote this letter was talking about when he said a wife should be careful when she talks about her husband to others.
Next Peter talks about the way women should dress, and then he refers to Sarah, wife of Abraham. He said, “As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” Calling Abraham lord was her way of showing respect. I am not suggesting we call our husbands “lord”, just that we show them the respect God intended them to have.
Peter, in verse 7, told the husbands to show honor to the woman “So that your prayers may not be hindered.” Once again, this is what the writer of this letter was talking about. He said it is a shared partnership.
The book of Proverbs says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (18:22). “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (19:14). The final chapter of Proverbs is written about a virtuous woman. It gives us some guidelines for what the writer thinks the ideal wife should be like. May we as women who strive to be Christian women do all we can do to follow God’s word and be the women and wives God wants us to be.
Sandra Oliver