What is a friend? A dictionary definition says a friend is “one attracted to another by affection or esteem, a favored companion.” My definition of a “friend” is one on whom I can depend – one to whom I can tell personal information and know she will not tell anyone. A friend can be someone you do not see very often, but when you get together, you pick up right where you left off. It is just like you were never separated. Proverbs 18:24 defines a friend thusly, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (NKJV).
Not everyone has a person on whom she can rely. This is so sad. Everyone needs someone. There may be reasons people do not have friends. If we cannot show ourselves to be friendly, why would we think we should have friends? We must put ourselves out to others to make friends, rather than to just sit back and let them come to you. Though you may be timid, take the first step by introducing yourself to others. You can do this if you set your mind to it. Remember God is on your side, and He will give you the strength to do the Christian thing that needs to be done.
If one is mean or snobbish, he or she cannot expect to have someone befriend him or her. On the other hand, sometimes one who is very shy, afraid to talk, does not have close friends. Some people are very shy, and others are outgoing. Which category describes you? As for me, it all depends on the situation in which I find myself. If it is one on one, I am usually able to start a conversation, but if there is a crowd of people, I sometimes have a harder time approaching others. I usually must push myself. For instance, if I see visitors at Bible class or worship services, I will make myself go and speak to them. When I do this, it does two things; one, it makes the visitor feel welcome, and second, it helps give me more confidence to go introduce myself the next time we have visitors.
When you became a Christian, did you know the members of the congregation where you would be attending? If you were a child of that congregation, of course you knew most of the families. If you were an adult when you learned the truth and became a Christian, most likely you knew the one who converted you to Christ but few or no one else in the congregation.
If you are a shy person and just started attending a new congregation, what do you do? Do you sit in the back of the auditorium and leave as soon as the closing prayer is over, or maybe as soon as the preacher is done preaching? If you do this, how are you going to learn the members of the church who are your brothers and sisters? Maybe you stay and the preacher and elders speak to you and no one else does. How does this make you feel? Does this make you feel welcome and loved as a sister in Christ? Of course not! On the other hand, if you stay and a lot of the members speak to you and tell you how glad they are to have you in the congregation, how does this make you feel? Does this give you a sense of belonging to a friendly family of God? Which would you like better? That’s, of course, a rhetorical question. How should we conduct ourselves? That’s a rhetorical question, too!
True friendship goes two ways; friendship is not just one-sided. Companionship or friendship is not being a taker and not being a giver; it is both in a true friendship. We are told In Luke 6:31 to do to others as we want to be treated. We would not want others to take advantage of us, and neither should we take advantage of them. We are to be there for each other in true friendship. We are told in Romans 12:15 to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” In other words, we are to be happy when our friends are happy and cry with them when things are not going well for them.
There are times we must put ourselves out there to others even if it means we will not be in our comfort zone. Each time we get out of this area in our life, it will be much easier to do it again and again. Do not be afraid; those with whom you are making this effort may be in the same place you are or even much shier. Remember, God is on your side when you are trying to do the right thing. Also, the devil is always trying to hold you back from doing right. Who will you obey – God or the devil?