I kept telling myself, “Remember who you are, and Who you represent” (Mt. 5:14) as I overheard filthy gossip in the room next to mine. It took all I had to not step around the corner and give those unnerving women a piece of my mind.
“Yes. She did the whole birth natural. I’m glad she got to go through all that pain. Seventeen years old and having a baby!”

“Yeah, If she were my child, I would have made her experience every last drop of pain. She just got what she deserved. If she thinks she’s woman enough to make that baby, then she is woman enough to handle the pain and consequences of childbirth.”

“That’s right! She gets every bit of what she had coming to her and then some.”

I got in my van and had to steady my pounding heart. My hands were sweaty and my face was flushed red. My oldest daughter (who thankfully had not heard the conversation) asked me if I was ok. I wanted to break down and cry.
I flashed back to holding her over 13 years ago, terrified that at barely 18, I was a mother. I remembered feeling panicked when the home pregnancy test I shakily held in my hand revealed to be positive. I remember the overwhelming feeling of nausea when my daddy held me tight and whispered over and over again, “No, no, no.”

I remembered sitting in the doctor’s office for the first time hearing her little heart beat wildly. The doctor calmly suggested a way to hide what I had done with the option of an abortion (Prov. 6:17). The sound of it rolling off her tongue so naturally made my ears burn and my mouth dry.
I was shaken from my flashback when my daughter asked me again, if I was ok.

I turned to her, eyes struggling with tears, and said, “I’m good. I just get so sad sometimes when I hear people say such cruel things.”.
She replied back, “It’s ok Mom. People can be jerks, but Jesus loves you.”

This beautiful young woman sitting next to me was the product of me getting “exactly what I deserved.” I am thankful for the pain and heartache every day, because it brought me her.

Teen mom, what do you feel like you deserve? Do you deserve to be the center of gossip? Do you deserve to be called the town skank? Do you deserve to be abandoned by the guy who created this little one with you? Do you deserve to be kicked out of church because it doesn’t want to deal with your very public sin? You don’t deserve any of these things, but some, if not all of these things may happen.

I know you are scared. I know you feel gross, unworthy, incapable, and clumsy, but above all else you deserve to know my heart breaks for you, and so does the heart of Jesus. He endured an underserving death to give us an undeserving yet beautiful grace. In his strongest of moments, he died so you can endure the most weakest of yours.

He is calling to you amongst the harsh whispers and shouts of those who are enjoying seeing you fall to tell you these very deserving truths: He loves you, and forgiveness is readily available (2 Pet. 3:9). You deserve knowing that this sin will not define you.

Scripture tells us we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Because of this, we have two choices: Continue on in the sin and let it define us, or choose to turn from the sin and allow God to refine our hearts in Christ Jesus. Consequences are sure to follow your actions, but you can rest assured that whatever they may be, Jesus is helping you carry them.

You also deserve a family built by the sacrificial love of Jesus to bear with you. Getting to this point can be tough. There are some very spiritually immature Christians out there who will turn their backs on you, even when you repent. But for every person who does this, there are innumerable more that want to love you. Walking into church for me as a 17 year old with a baby bump was extremely unnerving, but I had love, support, and people to hold me accountable to God, and the little one growing inside of me.

Colossians chapter 3 describes when we put on Christ, we are to put off our sinful nature, and because of this, we are to bear with one another as these transformations take place. This is a process that we must take part in daily. We are to encourage, and forgive one another as each fights their battles with sin. You are in the middle of a huge transformation spiritually, physically, and mentally. Let your family in Christ love you with the love of the Lord. Be brave and ask for support, God will give you this through the willing hearts of others. I promise.

Finally, I want you to know that even though you messed up, I am proud of you. So many of us are capable of hiding our filthy rags stained with sin in some pretty sneaky places. You have chosen to not hide yours. It is so terribly easy to “terminate” life these days. To pretend that it never had happened. You chose life. You chose not to hide your mistake. You chose to give your child a chance. Give this child’s life to Jesus so that he/she will overcome. It begins with you giving him yours first. Let the refiner take this circumstance and turn it into something beautiful like siting in your van next to your child brought up in compassion through Christ, assuring you in your sadness that people can be jerks, but Jesus loves you.

—Ashley Hudson