When my first child was two, we were waiting in the WIC lobby waiting to be seen. Compared to the bright sun outside, the room was dark and dingy and half-dressed little toddlers were waddling around the hot room. A young boy tottered over to my daughter and after they wordlessly stared at each other for a moment, without notice or provocation, the little boy swung his leg back and planted a firm kick on my daughter’s shin. She stepped back in shock and I ran over waiting for the cries to erupt. I picked her up and while I hugged her, I surveyed the room looking for this little boy’s mother. Mama tiger mode was fully activated and I was ready to have a word with his mother and at least demand an apology. My intuitive daughter must have sensed this because she cupped my face in her hands, looked me in the eye, and whispered calmly, “It’s ok Mama, he probably doesn’t know about Jesus.”
Like an untied balloon, my anger deflated and I saw the face of Jesus on my child. She knew she was wronged. She had never been kicked or hurt by anyone before—she was pure and knew hurt came from not knowing the source of true love.
My sweet daughter was right, so instead of making a scene, I looked firmly yet calmly at the little boy and said, “it’s not ok to kick and hurt people.” I picked up our stuff and we moved to the far end of the room. I told my daughter she was right that most people who hurt others don’t know Jesus’ love, and I also explained that she has the power to call out what was wrong and protect herself by walking away when needed. It’s a conversation that continues to grow as her understanding and wisdom grows.
More than likely, we are each wronged EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. On the road, at school, in the workplace, in our homes, and unfortunately even within the church. We are fallen humans living in a fallen world and the results of sin are painful.
The world often reacts to injustice with anger, aggression, and revenge. God calls us to a very different response. Note the difference in those two words. Our REACTION is automated. It is how we think, feel, or desire to act when faced with an uncomfortable injustice. We have little control over this REACTION. It is often influenced by past situations, tramas, and our fear. On the other hand, our RESPONSE is the conscience/chosen decision and the course of action we decide to take. Sometimes there is no distinction between the two. We tend to feel the heat of our emotional reaction and immediately move to action accordingly. With practice, we can become skilled at pausing, and responding instead of reacting.
Jesus demonstrates the power of our choice in a situation. Let’s look at two situations where He was insulted and wronged yet chose a response instead of simply reacting. The first comes from Mark 11:15-18:
Then they came to Jerusalem. And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who were selling and those who were buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves, and he would not allow anyone to carry anything through the temple. He was teaching and saying, “Is it not written,
‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations’?
But you have made it a den of robbers.”
And when the chief priests and the scribes heard it, they kept looking for a way to kill him, for they were afraid of him because the whole crowd was spellbound by his teaching.
At first glance, this might look like a heated reaction. Jesus was angry at the way His Father’s house was being used. He walked in and started overturning tables. I’m sure you’ve seen this sort of anger on display in the world. What is the result of unbridled anger in the world? Most likely fear and more anger. The Scriptures show us that Jesus was not acting in a rage, but he was “teaching” (v 17) and the audience was “spellbound by His teaching.” John 2:15 adds another detail to this account: Jesus made a whip. There was at least a small amount of time (enough to make a whip) where Jesus considered how He would respond to the situation He saw. Uncontrolled rage does not produce teaching that creates a spellbound audience. Rather, we can conclude that this was a calculated response Jesus made when He saw a situation that angered Him and that there are times when it is ok to be “fired up” as long as it is controlled and the response that we believe will best reach souls.
The second example shows us the exact opposite response: calm, peace, and healing in the midst of wrong. Jesus goes to a garden in the night with His disciples as he often did. In the night, Jesus knew soldiers with lanterns, torches, and weapons were coming to arrest him (John 18:3-4). As his friend and follower turned traitor approached him with the soldiers, we see in Luke’s account (22: 47-53) Jesus’ disciples were riled up and ready to fight.
When those who were around Him saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, shall we strike with the sword?” And one of them struck the slave of the high priest and cut off his right ear. But Jesus answered and said, “Stop! No more of this.” And He touched his ear and healed him. Then Jesus said to the chief priests and officers of the temple and elders who had come against Him, “Have you come out with swords and clubs as you would against a robber? While I was with you daily in the temple, you did not lay hands on Me; but this hour and the power of darkness are yours.”
Jesus, in His humanness, was suffering too, but we see Him choose a different response. He did not lash out in frustration, but instead chose to heal and offer grace to the servant who was injured. Instead of fleeing, Jesus courageously walked alongside His accusers for God’s glory.
Most of us will not face such life or death circumstances, but we will face trials and be wronged. Just like Jesus, we have the opportunity to pause and respond instead of simply reacting.
When you are wronged
- Pause. Take a deep breath or 3. Sometimes we can recover our rational mind in seconds, other times we may need a lot longer.
- Pray. It might be a simple “work in me and through me” as you take your deep breath and respond to the situation or it may be an evening of prayer before you meet to resolve the conflict.
- Consider your situation and goal. Are you a representative of Christ trying to build relationships to save unbelievers? Are you among Christians who are in the wrong? What do you hope to accomplish in this interaction?
- Respond. Now that you know your goal, what response will best accomplish that? Respond accordingly.
Conversation starters for when someone else is wronged
- I’m sorry you had to suffer this unfair treatment. Were you wronged because of your faith? (If so, rejoice, 1 Peter 4:12-19)
- What happened was wrong. When Jesus was treated wrong, He sometimes walked away and went where His message would be respected, He sometimes stayed in peace to bring understanding and healing to searching souls, and sometimes He used His anger to help teach the truth. What course of action do you think would accomplish the best outcome for this situation?
- It sounds like someone considers you an enemy. God gives specific instructions for that. Love them (love as a choice and a series of actions, not as a feeling – see 1 Cor. 13). How can you demonstrate God’s love? What do you need to do to refill your cup and heal from this insult so you can continue serving in love?
- Hurt people tend to hurt other people. That doesn’t make it right. Is there a way you could help bring God’s healing to this situation for yourself and possibly for the other party?
May the God of peace bring each of you peace as you face challenging situations and choose to respond instead of react.