Have you ever had conflicting emotions? I expect I am not alone in these feelings, for I have had them a few times in my life.
More recently, regarding a good friend, whom I taught the gospel, an elderly gentleman that was facing surgery. ….and though I prayed about his surgery as well as for the doctors and nurses in attendance that had his life in their hands, it was still deeply troubling to me. It was hard to face that conflict in my soul, after all, we are to trust in Him, and yet, praying “Not my will, but Thine be done” I was still conflicted with that emotion. Being human, though a Christian, it is hard to let go and let God, but we must.
The last time that I had that emotion was the death of my husband. It was such a shock to me to get that phone call and he died without me being there. I have thought about it many times and how I felt that day and it was this same emotion, I wanted to run and shut everyone out, but then I didn’t want that either. It is the worst kind of emotion to have. Not knowing where to go or what to do.
On the day of surgery for my friend I tried to stay busy at my job, knowing he was in good care with Him, the doctors, nurses and his son and daughter. However, as busy as I tried to be, that old emotion was still there. I stopped all that I was doing and prayed and during that prayer I remembered a lesson from Leroy Brownlow when his father was facing surgery. His father told him that “If I come through in the morning, it will be alright, and if I don’t come through it will still be alright.” That is the hope of the faithful Christian and the hope I had for my friend. I knew either way he would be alright.
Our Lord must have felt the same in Gethsemane when He prayed to His Father, “And He went a little farther, and fell on His face, and prayed saying, O My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as Thou will. And He cometh unto the disciples and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with Me one hour?” ..and He prayed this same prayer three times.
Paul too had conflict, “For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.” Philippians 1:23-24.
My prayer was granted and I am grateful to Him for the answer to that prayer and for the comfort of my friend and for helping me to calm my spirit. What a marvelous life it is to be a faithful Christian and to have that avenue of prayer to Him, for He cares for us.
Eileen Light