(selected and adapted)
Family can be the best if, as Christians, they work together for the Lord, but they can also be the best…
At holding grudges: “Well! I still remember that Thanksgiving when you went somewhere with your boyfriend instead of eating with us!”
At gossip: “I heard that your cousin Michael is out of a job again. He is going to be the death of your Aunt Susan.”
At despair: “I gave up years ago. You’re never going to change. Why do I even try?”
At blame: “Mom, you’re the reason I’m miserable. How was I supposed to learn how to have a happy marriage with you and Dad always yelling at each other?”
At envy: “Don’t tell me how to feel! With your house in the suburbs, a new van, well planned babies, I don’t want to hear it!”
What about the feuding families from America’s early history? We’ve all heard about or read about the regional skirmishes that evolved out of family feuds. There were major disagreements over property, over who should marry whom, over grazing rights, over stolen cattle, even such things as inheritances. Yes, covetous seemed to be the fuel to light most of those fires between the infamous families. Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr ended the enmity between their families by a duel—to the death. The Hatfield—McCoy family feud lasted for more than thirty years—1865 to 1901. Can you just ‘hear’ the dinner table discussions on both sides? At least two dozen other families fought during the early 1900’s as the US tried to gain normalcy and elect law officers—officials to ward off such events. Tombstone, Arizona was about the last center for such nonsense, and Arizona’s statehood was in question for a long time because of several families’ barbaric behavior. Many old “cowboy” movies take their plots from these or similar occurrences.
Okay, maybe your family is not the best. But I bet yours isn’t the worst either. Just look at Joseph and his family for example. Sure, we may all wonder why Joseph would make his brothers angry by telling his prophetic dreams, but we need to see the Lord’s hand in all that (Gen. 37:5-11). It was no wonder the brothers wanted to kill him.
The best of his brothers were Reuben and Judah who decided for their father’s sake that Joseph shouldn’t DIE, while the other eight plotted his gruesome murder (Gen. 37:18). Reuben left him in a pit thinking he’d come back later and pick him up (Gen. 37:22), and Judah came up with the bright idea of selling him instead of actually committing murder (Gen. 37:26, 27)! These were the best of the lot. The other eight just wanted to be rid of the ‘spoiled little brat.’
And yet God was working; God had a plan. He brought Joseph through it all, despite slavery and a prison stay (Gen. 37:26-28; Gen. 39:20; Gen. 41:14). The LORD showed Joseph his favor by using him as a tool to save not only the entire population of Egypt from famine but the children of Israel as well. Then he brought those same brothers back to remember the dreams again.
For vengeance, right? Don’t we wonder, when the brothers came begging for grain, why Joseph didn’t have them all executed? Surely there’s a family member or two you’ve quietly imagined the wrath of God barreling down upon. No? Just me? Am I the only one?
Romans 12:19-21
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
No, God brought the brothers back to Joseph so that through his forgiveness, reconciliation, and favor Joseph could become their savior—the lamb saving the wolves from starvation (Psa. 105).
It’s in our families that we learn service. It’s also in our families that we face our greatest hurts and temptations. The small and mundane annoyances—toothpaste on the sink, groceries forgotten, the last piece of pie gone from the fridge once again. Socks or towels on the floor cause us to explode. The colossal betrayals, the heinous acts, the unforgivable sins seem to cause our families to implode. Sometimes we are betrayed. Sometimes we are betrayer.
But whichever side of the dais we stand on, we can find ourselves in Joseph’s story. We are either the brothers hanging our heads in horror, awaiting our punishment for hurting the people who are part of us, or we are Joseph with all that power; will we forgive or will we damn?
Joseph had received years of God’s favor and attention and apparently he learned something important because he forgave. Can we learn to…
- Replace grudges with forgiveness? Let go of that Thanksgiving or family reunion dinner 5 years ago, and be grateful for the next one so we can be together again.
- Replace gossip with an encouraging phone call to that out of work nephew.
- Replace despair with prayer and hope. Suddenly we believe—not in our loved ones’ power to change, but in the power of God’s Word to change them if they will only submit!
- Replace blame with confession (There are always two sides to every argument). Every human being will account for his own sin. It does no good to blame the person we learned it from instead of confessing to the God who can redeem us from it.
- Replace envy with love. Love rejoices in the good of the loved one. It refuses to compare our state with theirs. Real deep honest love would rather they be blessed than we.
The holidays are behind us. Families were together driving each other nuts not too many days before. Old hurts and old hopes managed to collide and tears were shed. I hope next year is different for you. Leave a comment and tell us how next year can be “a Joseph year” in your family.
-Beth Johnson
I’m convinced that some of Joseph’s brothers had been agonizing over their inheritances–fearing that Jacob would leave everything to his youngest son when he passed beyond the blue. How many siblings do you know who fear the same thing?
It not only happens in physical families, but in the church family too.
1Co 6:5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?
1Co 6:6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.
1Co 6:7 Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?
1Co 6:8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.