Here is a little list I found while digging through some old material. There’s no indication that I had published it before.

1. Listen carefully to what he says, and to what he doesn’t say. If you complain that he won’t talk to you, maybe it’s because you’ve not learned to listen.
2. Build up his ego. Sincerely. He needs approval and acceptance. Praise him. Believe in him, don’t tear him down.
3. Never, ever criticize him in front of others. This is playing unfairly. It is cowardly.
4. Enjoy your intimate life together. Follow the rule of 1 Corinthians 7.3-5. He needs you, physically. Your intimate relationship makes you one flesh.
5. Make home an enjoyable place for him to come back to.
6. Consider yourself a homemaker, “fulfilling [your] duties at home” Titus 2.5.
7. Keep your priorities in order: God first, your husband second, your children third, and others last.
8. Nagging creates barriers and causes your husband to close up.
9. Don’t bother to tell him all his faults, all the times he fails to do what he ought, all the times he leaves his clothes on the floor.
10. Take care of your spiritual life with God. Pray for yourself, your husband, and your relationship. Develop your commitment to God. He will carry you through.

    www.forthright.net

My sister-in-law, Mendy, recently shared a sermon by Jason Chesser. In that message, Jason was talking about the fact that Christians need each other because we’re weaker without each other. He mentioned the parable of the lost sheep (Matt. 18:10-14) and said, “No wonder the shepherd was willing to go off and leave the 99 sheep in search of the one. The 99 sheep had each other. The one who wandered off alone was vulnerable.” Amen to that.

There’s a statement I’ve heard a lot through the years, usually in a hospital room, at a graveside, or on the front pew after someone has come forward requesting prayers:

“I don’t know how anyone could go through life without a church family.”

Perhaps it is in those more difficult moments that we realize just how much we rely on each other. You can see the gratitude or relief in someone’s eyes who has been brought a meal or prayed with through loss or hardship. You can watch someone stand up straighter who was surrounded by loving fellow Christians after confessing sin. You can certainly see a sweet smile on the face of a lonely widow who has been invited to lunch or dinner with your family.

I’ve seen church families rally around those who were wrongfully accused, financially struggling, spiritually weak, or physically depleted. I’ve seen Christians help shoulder the marital and parental burdens of others. I’ve seen church leaders courageously and lovingly lead their flocks through natural disasters, economic crises, and even a pandemic.

And personally, my family has experienced the love, support, and help from fellow Christians more times than I can say.

God knew we would need each other. I hope we all make the most of that! But if your heart is going through a struggle and you feel lonely, please don’t try to soldier on alone. Reach out to your brothers and sisters in Christ and let them have the opportunity to be by your side.

We’re to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thess. 5:11). We’re to “stir up one another to love and good works” (Heb. 10:24). We’re to “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2). And we are to “abound in love for one another” (1 Thess. 3:12). Sometimes it’s in our giving to others in these ways that we end up receiving exactly what we need ourselves.

We need each other!

Kathy Pollard

When I wrote my article last week, I had no idea that I would be blessed in such a wonderful way the coming week. It happened on Friday night before New Year’s at, of all places, Cracker Barrel.

My husband and I were seated in the back dining room next to a family of four—husband, wife, and two little girls. I noticed dad had a large green “Santa-like” bag beside him, under the table. It had a gingerbread man on it and peppermint candies made from felt. The bag looked like it had something in it, but I thought nothing of it.

The waitress took the family’s order, and then she came to our table to ask if we were using the puzzle. I told her we were not, and she took it to the little girls. The mother thanked me; and I reply, “You’re welcome”. I noticed some activity from the girls looking in the green bag. They pulled out some gift bags and set them on the table. A few minutes later, the two little girls brought gift bags to our table and wished us a merry Christmas. Inside the two gift bags were little wooden plaques, one with a Christmas tree and the word “Peace” on it. The other one said, “Enjoy Every Moment”.

I thought this was just a little “thank you” for giving them the puzzle, but it was far more than that. A few minutes later, the oldest little girl walked over to a table behind her with a gift for a young boy. She also took gifts to children at another table. She was very quiet and humble about her gift-giving, and she sat down to eat her meal.

I noticed the girls ate their food quietly, not picking at one another as children do. They acted like well-behaved young ladies.

When we were ready to leave, I handed the mother a piece of paper with this website on it. I told her that if she would read the article on this day, she would find an article written about her girls. She smiled and said “thank you”, and we headed for the check-out.

While my husband was paying, I felt someone behind me. When I turned around, the mother was standing behind me. She asked me if she could tell me the backstory to the gifts. Of course, I wanted to hear! She explained through tears that about three years ago, her oldest daughter told her she did not want presents for Christmas. She wanted to give presents. So, she works all year making key rings and doing other things to earn money to give gifts at Christmas. Her goal is to give 1,000 gifts. Her mother was sick with the flu during Christmas, so they had to delay her distribution of gifts. Buckee’s had always allowed them to hand out gifts, but they refused this year. So, she had to find another way to give away all the gifts she had collected during the year.

I thanked Mom for telling me her story and left the restaurant feeling a great sense of joy and peace because of two little girls who care more about others than themselves.

So, Mom, if you are reading this, know that your girls have blessed my life in a very special way. And for the rest of you, know that there are still parents out there in this wicked world that love their children and family more than worldly goods and possessions. There are still people who believe in serving rather than being served. They understand it is not “all about me”; but like the good Samaritan, it’s all about someone else.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

Sandra Oliver

I’ve learned a few things in the past couple of years. One of them is that I can do a much better job of being content.

Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come (1 Corinthians 10:10,11).

In 2024, I want to stop complaining,

…about how my house is too big to clean. I may wake up one day and find that every corner and every nook is filled with someone else’s things. I needed the big.

…about how busy I am. I may wake up one day and find that my responsibilities have doubled. I just thought I was way busy.

…about how expensive groceries are. I may wake up one day and find that I need more groceries, weekly,  than I have needed in the past twenty years. I had no idea of how much I could have been spending.

…about how we cannot seem to get to make the visits to the shut-ins or the nursing home. I may wake up and find that the visit is no longer optional. She is your husband’s mother and he is the only care-taker.

…about how hard it is to plan a family gathering. I may wake up one day and find that there are more complications than I ever dreamed even possible.

…about excessive laundry. I may wake up one day and find my laundry has tripled.

…about how dangerous the world is becoming. I may wake up one day and know that bombing is occurring just outside the door of my brother and sister’s house across the pond.

Life simply teaches me gratitude every day. This little list could go on and on. Perhaps this little list sounds ironically like complaining in itself. But it’s not complaining. It’s just reflecting to say that whatever it is that you find grievous or burdensome in your world today is a challenge for your heart. Let your heart wander to what life would be like if you didn’t have the big challenge of your life right now; whatever that current challenge is.

If my house wasn’t packed right now, my grandchildren would not be nearby.

If my responsibilities were not overwhelming right now, my opportunities for influence would not be maximized.

If I was not buying groceries in bulk right now, I would not be feeding children who are growing into servants for Him.

If my mother-in-law were not requiring multiple visits weekly, my grandchildren might not be learning the joys of service in an up-close and personal way.

If we were not working hard with schedules to arrange family gatherings, we might not have the blessed privilege of family support and fellowship in the tough challenges.          

If the world were always peaceful and serene, our longing for heaven would not be so fervent and real.

The real lesson is, if things today seem more bleak than yesterday, I must always know in my heart that I’m in a good place. I am in His bundle of the living (I Samuel 25). He is going to work things out for me because I love him (Romans 8:28). He knows the end of every story and He knows just how to test and mold and fit me for heaven. Whatever tomorrow holds may not be as  comfortable as today is, even considering the challenges of today. After all, Joseph thought he was in bad shape in the pit, but he didn’t yet know about the gypsies and the servanthood and the betrayal and the prison and the neglectful butler.

But in the world of His children, the last day, the day of death, as grim as that may be, is the best day. The last day is the best day. Because, the big victory is won on the last day. The house will be the perfect size. The jobs will all be done. The needs will all be met. The family gathering will all be arranged and the sicknesses will all be healed.

There’s really not a space for murmuring in my world. He has already delivered me, in advance, from every seemingly hopeless situation. Death and all its attendant sorrows has been swallowed up in victory (1 Corinthians 15:54).

Cindy Colley

1. Because Jesus Does

Hiram Kemp preached a sermon yesterday entitled, “Ways to Glorify God in 2024.” One of the main points was “Love the Local Church.” I appreciated so much his emphasis on recognizing our need for each other. (You can listen here, starting at 1:32:08.) It also gave me an idea. A few years ago I spent a year sharing “52 Ways to Grow Closer to Christ.” I’d like to do that again, only this time focusing on His church. Surely our relationship with Christ deepens when we grow our love for the people He died for.

Reason #1 to love the church: Because Jesus does.

A quick read of Ephesians 5:25-32 leaves no doubt about how Christ feels about the church. In this one short paragraph we learn that He:

• “loved the church” (v. 25)
• “gave Himself up for her” (v. 25)
• “sanctifies her” (v. 26)
• “cleanses her” (v. 26)
• “presents the church to Himself in splendor” so she can be “holy and without blemish” (v. 27)
• “nourishes and cherishes” the church (v. 29)

Why? “Because we are members of His body” (v. 30).

I want to love what Jesus loves, and He loves the church. His agape love for her motivated His feelings about her, His estimation of her, and His actions toward her. He sacrificed Himself for her because He wants what’s best for her.

As we begin a brand new year wearing the name of Christ, let’s love the church as He does. Not in some broad, nebulous way, but in a very personal, specific way. How can we love our own church families more? What are some selfish interests we need to put aside so we can serve sacrificially? How can we prove by our words and deeds that we want what’s best for the church? When we prioritize Christ by showing this kind of love for His church, the world will take notice.

By Kathy Pollard

Philippians 4:13 NKJV “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

The gifts are unwrapped. The recycle bin overflows. And on the floor lies a curling ribbon trail from the Christmas tree to the trash cans outside. So, what next? New Year’s, of course. Time to belt out “Auld Lang Syne,” iron out our resolutions, swallow a few black-eyed-peas, and welcome in hope for wonderful things ahead.

As you look for the coming year, consider a nine-year-old girl from Farragut, Tennessee named Leilani. This small powerhouse loved politics and discovered a loophole in the age restrictions for local candidates. So, without hesitation (and with resounding confidence, I might add) she ran for public office.

Little Leilani spent the summer campaigning door-to-door and confidently announced her platform as “dinosaurs and gardens.” She proposed putting dinosaurs, along with gardens, in all the town parks, because Leilani surmised, “What kid doesn’t love dinosaurs?” Leilani’s excitement was contagious as she carried out her lemonade and cookie campaign. Although the child lost to a more qualified candidate, she gained national notoriety for her optimism.

Jesus cherished the unwavering faith, optimism, and can-do attitude of children. But sadly, these qualities were often lacking in His own disciples. I wonder, does He see those traits in us?

What if we approached our faith-walk like Leilani approached her campaign? How rapidly might the Kingdom grow if we, as Christians, were eager to speak of our faith? What if we were so excited to share the Good News that it spread through our church family and community to pack our pews on Sunday? Suppose we made every effort to be present in Bible class and worship each time the doors opened? Would our children, spouse, and friends witness incredible joy in our lives?

As we launch a year of new beginnings, let us rediscover the enthusiasm of our childhood. Let us resolve to step out of our comfort zone with that Leilani-can-do attitude and attempt new ways to grow the kingdom of God. Let us live each moment through the filter of Philippians 4:13, confident that through Christ, we can make this New Year the best one yet.

Father God, may we enter this new year with a renewed spirit of faith, optimism, and positive thinking.

Blessings for the New Year,

Rita Cochrane

Sara Tucholsky of Western Oregon hit her first home run ever against Central Washington. It was not only her first, but her last. It was a grand slam, and runners one and two headed around the bases. Sara running behind them, pulled a ligament in her knee and was unable to run. Her teammates could not help her, or she would have been out. Her coaches could not help her. It looked like a sad ending to a remarkable game. Not so! Two players from the opposing team picked her up and carried her to second base, third base, and then home as they gently lowered her enough for her to touch each base. Mallory Holtman and Liz Wallace then humbly walked from home plate back to the pitcher’s mound, where the rest of their team stood.

Opportunities to serve are everywhere, even on a softball field. The challenge is taking advantage of the opportunities when they present themselves.

Mallory and Liz did exactly what Paul said to do in Philippians 2. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”  Later Paul says, “he emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant.” Jesus took the form of a servant, and He asks us to do the same.

Scripture gives us some common attributes of a servant. The first is that a servant is humble. Paul’s statement in Philippians 2 shows the humble attitude of putting others before ourselves. Jesus showed His disciples the ultimate humility when He washed their feet, something left for only “servants” to do.

Second, one must be prepared to be a servant. Paul told Timothy that to be a good servant of Jesus one must train for godliness because it is of value in every way. It holds promise for the present life and for the life to come (First Timothy 4:6-8).

Third, to be a good servant one must persevere. Persevere means to keep doing what you are doing, even if there is no success. Even if your service doesn’t bring about the results you might hope, keep doing what God wants you to do. Keep serving.

Fourth, is to be a servant to anyone who might need help. Paul said he had made himself a servant to everyone. His purpose was to win them to Christ, First Corinthians 9:19-23.

Fifth, we can expect to suffer. We risk getting our feelings hurt, being rejected, even being betrayed. Do as Paul told Timothy, “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth” (Second Timothy 2:15).

Jesus told His disciples in John 13 that He had washed their feet as an example, “that you also should do just as I have done to you” (John 13:15).

I think we can add a sixth attribute to this list. Serve even when those being served do not know you or do not know who performed a service for them. Try this. Do something for someone, and do not let them know who did it. Tell no one. Watch what happens. We can do so much for the Lord if we don’t feel the need to receive credit for what we do.

Start the New Year with a determination to serve. Others will be blessed, and you will you will be blessed also.

Sandra Oliver

Through my recent studies of God’s Word, I’ve come to a fuller understanding of how God views marriage. Unfortunately, I think the church has failed to understand this concept, at least during my lifetime. Churches are filled with divorce, cohabitation and unlawful marriages. Yet, many, including some elderships, believe this is okay. However, does God believe it is okay? “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4 NKJV).

God created marriage in the very beginning. Now, here is what many miss; from the beginning, marriage was a foreshadow of God’s relationship with man. Adam was put to sleep, his side was opened, and he woke up with a bride (Genesis 2:21-25; 3:12). Sound familiar? Maybe not. Think about how Jesus went to sleep, had His side opened up, and then he woke up to obtain a bride – His church.

The world tells us that marriage should be happy and perfect. God tells us marriage should be holy and complete us in our service to Him. People are so concerned with being happy that they honestly believe it is a commandment from God! If this were the case, the church never would have grown. Think about all that Paul endured for the bride of Christ. He was abused to the point of death and was then later put to death. I don’t think I would be “happy” according to worldly standards going through those difficulties. Based on extra-biblical church history, all but one apostle was murdered for Christ’s bride. This is a beautiful and perfect example of the love we need in our marriages.

While Christians have gotten wrapped up in this idea of being happy, we have neglected what makes our marriages holy. This has created unions between believers and unbelievers wherein they frequently are “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14). This more often than not causes the believer to abandon the faith for a happy marriage. Further, the pseudo, manmade doctrine of happy marriage has also been the catalyst for many unbiblical divorces. We hear, “God wouldn’t want me to remain married because I’m not happy” or “My spouse doesn’t meet my needs.”

The church also faces the plague of cohabitation. Some churches ignore or fail to address couples who shack up while they decide if they would be good fits in marriage. Usually, the only discipline the church does in these cases is not hosting a shower, but plenty of individuals still give lots of gifts and blessings for these individuals who have never repented of their sins. Lastly, we have unlawful remarriages. Some churches don’t expect a confession of sin for unlawful divorces and also have no issue with subsequent new marriages. Nevertheless, the words of Jesus Christ remain. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Contrary to contentions otherwise, the apostle Paul did not alter or dismiss our Lord’s directive. “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

If the church actually saw marriage as God does, these would not be issues. The problem is, one learns more about how God views marriage primarily through the lens of the Old Testament, but Christians today refuse to learn from these books because “We are not under the old law.” God unites Himself in marriage with those He has called to be His chosen people. God fully understands what it means to be cheated on. His people were constantly committing spiritual adultery against Him by practicing idolatry.

“Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also. So it came to pass, through her casual harlotry, that she defiled the land and committed adultery with stones and trees. And yet for all this her treacherous sister Judah has not turned to Me with her whole heart, but in pretense,” says the Lord. Then the Lord said to me, “Backsliding Israel has shown herself more righteous than treacherous Judah. Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say: ‘Return, backsliding Israel,’ says the Lord; ‘I will not cause My anger to fall on you. For I am merciful,’ says the Lord; ‘I will not remain angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity, That you have transgressed against the Lord your God, And have scattered your charms To alien deities under every green tree, And you have not obeyed My voice,’ says the Lord. “Return, O backsliding children,” says the Lord; “for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion.” (Jeremiah 3:8-14)

This is why many believe God allows the innocent party to remain when a spouse is unfaithful. God knows and understands that feeling.

Our marriages need to mirror what Christ set forward for us. Husbands are to love their wives to the point that they would die for them (Ephesians 5:25). They should be willing to sacrifice for their wives. Wives should be willing to submit to the will of “their own husbands” (Ephesians 5:24). Even when we do not want to submit, just the same as when Jesus submitted to the will of the Father in the Garden, wives need to submit to their husbands (Colossians 3:18). We must deny ourselves and follow the authority of the husbands we chose (Titus 2:5). This is where many argue that we can leave our husbands if they are unfaithful to God or are not Christians. This is contrary to God’s Word. According to Peter, we are to continue to live our lives pleasing to God and in this set the example for our husbands. This is how we bring them to a faithful relationship with Christ (1 Peter 3:1-6).

Elderships need to ensure that husbands, as wells as teenage and adult men generally – who may become husbands in the future – hear in the classroom and from the pulpit the biblical responsibility – what God expects – of husbands. Likewise, wives, as well as teenage and adult women – who may become wives in the future – need to hear in the classroom and from the pulpit the biblical responsibility – what God expects – of wives. If elders become aware of troubled marriages within the local congregation, they ought to express their concern and offer to convey biblical and helpful teachings about marriage openly for all and privately as needed. “Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct. …Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you” (Hebrews 13:7, 17).

We must stop seeing marriage through the eyes of our culture and see it through the eyes of God! Persons in marriages that are not pleasing to God are lost. Anyone failing to repent of sins, including divorces for unbiblical reasons, remain lost in sin. Church, we need to do better! God has called us to do so.

Jenny Choate