Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. They boy thought the girl was amazingly beautiful, and he loved her. He couldn’t stop thinking about her and wanted her to be his. He tried his best to let his feeling for simmer down because he knew the love he had for her wasn’t pure. Still, the battle raged within him, and he couldn’t take it anymore. His physical attraction to her was too great, and even though he knew it was wrong, he devised a plan to get the girl into his bed so he could cure his hunger.
She wasn’t that kind of girl, and he knew it. But as the story goes, he got her in his bed and made “love” to her. His physical ache seemed to be satisfied, but the love he had for her immediately turned into hatred. Something changed. As soon as he could, he sent the girl away in tears; ashamed and broken.
Little sister, grab your Bible and turn to 2 Samuel 13:1-19. In God’s wisdom, He gives us crucial insight into the way impure sex can alter a person’s heart, and why. As you’ve probably figured out by now, the story I just explained above is a shortened version of the account you read in 2 Samuel 13. Amnon loved Tamar. Amnon wanted Tamar sexually. He got his way- and immediately, the love turned into hate. Now, don’t get all caught up in the whole half brother/sister thing, or the forceful way in which Amnon made his advance because you will miss out on something that is fundamental to understanding why sex before marriage is such a heartbreaking disaster. It changes a person’s heart. Inside of the commitment of marriage, it will change a person’s heart for the good. In the realm of sexual immorality, it will change a person’s heart for the worse.
Going back to the original language of the Bible, when Amnon “loved” Tamar, it was a love described as the type of love we would have for a movie, or sleep, or Starbucks. It’s a word that describes desire. In Hebrew, it is defined as “ahab”. When we enter the boy meets girl stages in our lives, the “love” we have for each other is an “ahab’ type of love. We love to be around that person. They make us feel good about ourselves, and we find them desirable. It’s not wrong to love a person in this way, but can give us a false sense of the type of love we should possess for our husbands if we don’t understand the difference between love and well, love!
Turn to Ephesians 5:25. Husbands “love” your wives. Same word, but different meaning. The love defined in this passage is the Greek word for “Agape”. What is Agape love? Love that is content and focused on the well-being of another person. A sacrificial love that is grateful and unwilling to abandon the receiver.
Why did sex ruin Amnon’s love for Tamar? Because it was the type of love that can be swayed. It hinged on the desire he had for what she had to offer. Do our desires change? Remember those pants you LOVED 10 years ago? Still love them the same way now? Probably not. Our tastes in fashion changes often. We place things we once loved thrown into a giveaway pile.
When you find a man who loves you in the way you are to be loved, he will sacrifice his desires to keep you and himself pure. Sexual temptation is one of the strongest, and toughest temptations there is. Seek a guy who demonstrates sacrificial love.
I don’t want you to view this as another sex talk by some know-it-all (dare I say… old) married woman. This is a look into two words that are like night and how you need to be mature enough in understanding the vast difference between the two. God has so much more to say to us than “abstain from sexual immorality”. He goes on to define through passages like 2 Samuel 13 and Ephesians 5 the type of love we are to be seeking and giving in a marriage.
Relationships and marriages are failing because of “ahab” love. That kind of love will never sustain a relationship because it can be swayed based on our emotions. Unfortunately, once relationships fizzle out in the ahab love department, people move on- leaving emotional scars along the way.
Agape love won’t let go, and won’t stop pursuing its recipient. Seek this type of love in your boy meets girl story. Sex changes everything, and it is up to you to choose how this change in your heart will go. Don’t let the wrong type of love leave you broken; you were made to love and be loved unconditionally.
Find love.
The good kind.