Paul told the young preacher, Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believer an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (I Timothy 4:12 ESV).

The beginning of a new year is a good time to both reflect on the past and look toward the future. It is a time to examine our lives and honestly consider how we appear to others.

I occasionally like to think back on the people who have influenced my life, and I am always surprised to find some little incident that influenced me or changed me in some way.

Just such an incident happened when I was in grade school. I had to ride the city bus to school, a trip that required riding one bus into downtown and transferring to another bus. For a young girl it was an adventure, but it was also a little scary. Because of being a little scared, my mother encouraged me to be very observant.

One morning a lady I hadn’t seen before got on the bus. She was very attractive. She was modestly dressed; and to a young, impressionable girl, she looked very sophisticated. I couldn’t help watching her. She was so pretty, so “put together”, and I began to wonder about her.

Each morning when she got on the bus, I would wonder: “How old is she?”, “Where is she going?”, “Does she have a boyfriend?” (Ten-year-old girls think about those things.)

For some reason, I also wondered, “Is she a Christian?” My conclusion, after watching her for several days, was that she sure looked like a Christian. My other conclusion was that I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to grow up to look like her, smile like her, and have someone look at me like I was looking at her.

Fast-forward several years. I was a teenager. I was in a different school, living in a different neighborhood, and no longer riding a city bus. I was attending church services in a congregation not far from where I had seen this beautiful lady. To my surprise, there she was! She was now married and the mother of two beautiful little girls. She was still beautiful, kind, smiling at people and at her girls. Now I could see her every week. I still wanted to be just like her.

I went off to college, married, moved away and didn’t see her for many years. In 2000, my husband and I returned to this congregation. The beautiful lady was still there. Her two beautiful daughters were there with husbands and children of their own.

One day I told this lady my story. She seemed genuinely surprised. She remembered riding the bus, but she had no idea that I had watched her. She had no idea that anyone would think of her the way I had.

I tell you this story at the beginning of a new year to encourage you to first be an example. Don’t be just any example; but be an example in your dress, your speech, your conduct, your love for others, your faith in God, and in purity. Be the kind of example Paul told Timothy to be.

Our manner of life, our dress, our overall appearance reflects our character. When Paul was writing to the young preacher Timothy, he gave him instructions to give to the women. He said, “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works” (I Timothy 2:9-10 NKJV).

These women were known for using expensive apparel and jewelry to call attention to themselves; and Paul wanted Timothy to teach them that it is modesty, godliness, and good works that would make them stand out. The same is true for us today.

Second, choose your examples carefully. Choose to follow only those who will lead you to heaven. Don’t choose the rock star, the politician, the cheerleader, the athlete, the executive, the doctor, the lawyer, or anyone that seems to be successful because of their position in life or their money. Choose the women who work daily to possess the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23).

The thing that is so amazing to me is that I chose an example to follow on visual characteristics and not on a single spoken word. She never talked to me, but I somehow knew from her appearance and her behavior that she was special.

Appearances can be deceiving, but the way we appear to others does make a difference. Paul’s instruction to Timothy about the kind of example he should be confirms that.

May God help us to be good examples in our appearance; in the words we speak, and in the way we treat others.

Sandra Oliver