Tag Archive | how to be a good wife

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband

Nov7

Proverbs 12:4 – An excellent wife is the crown of her husband; But she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.

This scripture jumped out at me the other day.  I hadn’t seen it in a long time.  What a reminder to those of us who share our lives with a mate.  What better descriptor to define our relationship with our husbands than to be called “his crown”.  Wow!

And what sorrow it must bring our Lord when he sees a wife bringing shame upon her husband.  Rottenness in his bones:  a graphic phrase that this proverb uses to show how one’s behavior can affect the relationship in marriage.  Destructive.  The Hebrew word refers to worm-eaten wood which continues to degenerate until it crumbles.  A marriage crumbling because of unloving behaviors.

At a recent marriage ceremony the preacher used a 3 point sermon, based on Eph. 5:22-30, about how to be in a marriage pleasing to God. One of his points was based on the scripture in verse 26 …”that he might sanctify her”… in other words, set her apart.  Put her in a special place in his heart, cherish her above all else, raise her up.  And he pushed the point to include not only the husband sanctifying his wife, but the wife sanctifying her husband.  Holding him as precious, very worthy of cherishing at all times.

Is there ever a time when we do not want Christ to continue to sanctify us?  Remember that Christ here is used as the model for how husbands should treat their wives.   Is it not wonderful to think with certainty that your mate sanctifies you at all times?  Esteems you as so special that he would never, ever complain about you to another, ridicule you in front of others, or put you down in any way.

A young mother, totally caught up in her need for her husband to understand a point she was making, did just that.  As the words left her mouth, his parents, who happened to be visiting, looked at each other and then watched their son’s face.  Disappointment, embarrassment, frustration.  He walked out of the room.   And she continued to rock, back and forth, back and forth, filled with a certain self righteousness.  Oh, the folly of selfishness.  Did she notice that his face turned red?  And that he couldn’t look at his parents?

How different the scene could have been if she had chosen instead to raise him up and honor him by saying that she was confident that they would find the answers to their problem together.

It is so easy to indulge self and feel right about putting our spouse in his/her place.  And does God smile on this behavior?  Even if you have grounds for debate about something, there is a time and a place, as my grandmother used to say.  What’s more important, getting in the last word, or protecting the vows that were so sincerely made at the altar?

Before this day is over there will be opportunity for some of us to be challenged by this scripture.

Ladies, get your heads ready to wear that precious crown!

Marty Coletta

 

His Mathetria

Oct3

Growing up I was quite confused about what kind of a woman I was supposed to be. There seemed to be so many stereotypes in the world of different women – those who worked and were career focused, those who were stay-at-home moms, and those who magically seemed to do both. I too wanted to do it all, but I wanted to be happy doing it. However as I grew older I learned something more important. True happiness does not come from fulfilling a stereotype of what someone else thinks you should be. True joy comes from discovering the woman God intended you to be.

But what is it that God intended? When God created woman in all of her glory, what was the ideal He had envisioned? To answer that question we must delve into scripture and study the heroines that are recorded there. The Virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 is the epitome of biblical womanhood. The qualities listed there not only show a wife worthy of a king, but also the characteristics of a true follower of the King. Esther saved an entire nation from certain death with her courage and fear of the Lord. Ruth worked hard to provide for herself and her mother-in-law. Deborah led the Israelites into battle and into all wisdom. Mary was seen worthy enough to sit at the feet of the Son of God and listen. Priscilla swayed others into following Christ. They were all “mathetria” or women disciples. They took their God-given talents and used them for his glory and follow Him.

In order for us to follow God as true disciples, we must not follow the worldly stereotypes, whether that be a modern day feminist or a June Cleaver. Instead we should put all of our efforts, talents, and abilities into serving Him. God did not make all women to be contented housewives, but He did make some. God did not make all women to be successful doctors, lawyers, or businesswomen, but He did make some. God did create all women to be disciples of him whether at home or in the work place.

Once we discard the  notions the world has to offer about who is a truly happy woman, then we can embrace the woman God intended us to be his mathetria. Before we become a wife, mother, or career woman, we are first called to serve the Lord. The Great Commission in Matthew 28:16 was given to all Christians, including women.

We must ask ourselves what kind of world would we have if women spent more time trying to be in the service of the Lord instead of fulfilling their own desires? What would our marriages be like if our first priority was to serve God through our union and not just a chance of being loved? What kind of mothers would we be if our first priority was to help our children find their abilities and talents and use them for the Lord and not just themselves? What kind of career women would we be if our jobs were Christ-focused and not just a means of making money or self-fulfillment? What kind of servant would I be if I did my job for myself and did not live for my master? We do have the ability to change the world – one woman at a time.

Christa Bryant