Proverbs 12:4 – An excellent wife is the crown of her husband; But she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.

This scripture jumped out at me the other day.  I hadn’t seen it in a long time.  What a reminder to those of us who share our lives with a mate.  What better descriptor to define our relationship with our husbands than to be called “his crown”.  Wow!

And what sorrow it must bring our Lord when he sees a wife bringing shame upon her husband.  Rottenness in his bones:  a graphic phrase that this proverb uses to show how one’s behavior can affect the relationship in marriage.  Destructive.  The Hebrew word refers to worm-eaten wood which continues to degenerate until it crumbles.  A marriage crumbling because of unloving behaviors.

At a recent marriage ceremony the preacher used a 3 point sermon, based on Eph. 5:22-30, about how to be in a marriage pleasing to God. One of his points was based on the scripture in verse 26 …”that he might sanctify her”… in other words, set her apart.  Put her in a special place in his heart, cherish her above all else, raise her up.  And he pushed the point to include not only the husband sanctifying his wife, but the wife sanctifying her husband.  Holding him as precious, very worthy of cherishing at all times.

Is there ever a time when we do not want Christ to continue to sanctify us?  Remember that Christ here is used as the model for how husbands should treat their wives.   Is it not wonderful to think with certainty that your mate sanctifies you at all times?  Esteems you as so special that he would never, ever complain about you to another, ridicule you in front of others, or put you down in any way.

A young mother, totally caught up in her need for her husband to understand a point she was making, did just that.  As the words left her mouth, his parents, who happened to be visiting, looked at each other and then watched their son’s face.  Disappointment, embarrassment, frustration.  He walked out of the room.   And she continued to rock, back and forth, back and forth, filled with a certain self righteousness.  Oh, the folly of selfishness.  Did she notice that his face turned red?  And that he couldn’t look at his parents?

How different the scene could have been if she had chosen instead to raise him up and honor him by saying that she was confident that they would find the answers to their problem together.

It is so easy to indulge self and feel right about putting our spouse in his/her place.  And does God smile on this behavior?  Even if you have grounds for debate about something, there is a time and a place, as my grandmother used to say.  What’s more important, getting in the last word, or protecting the vows that were so sincerely made at the altar?

Before this day is over there will be opportunity for some of us to be challenged by this scripture.

Ladies, get your heads ready to wear that precious crown!

Marty Coletta