I drove past the house of a family who had recently moved away and began to wonder how they were doing. I said a prayer for them as I made my way home. Once home, I decided to send the lady a message on Facebook letting her know I was thinking about them, and was praying for their family. I couldn’t find her name in my friends feed.
“Hmm. That’s weird.”
I searched for her name in the search bar, and found her profile with an “add friend” button in the corner. Unfriended. Ouch. I decided to digress and let it roll off my back. I said another prayer on their behalf, trying not to be spiteful.
Several months later, my husband was scrolling through Facebook and found a beautiful picture of a friend’s new baby. He asked me if I had seen it yet. I said no, then went to the Aunt’s Facebook page to see the pictures she took.
“Really?”
Again, another woman had unfriended me. I threw a fit and demanded my husband unfriend her, because it was simply not right to take me off, and leave him on (Seriously, not cool.). “WE ARE ONE BY GOLLY AND I AM YOUR WIFE, SHE WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTFUL OF OUR MARRIAGE!” I didn’t mean to explode, but my hurt clouded my judgment.
Fast forward a few months…. Another sweet baby picture a Grandma was proudly displaying on Facebook. My husband called me over to look. So precious. I wanted to write on the new Grandma’s wall a “Congratulations.”. I looked her up…..
Unfriended.
After my husband went back to work, I laid on my bed and cried, then got really, really paranoid. I simply could not comprehend what I had done to these women, and prayed for forgiveness if I had hurt them. Did an article offend them? Did I post too many pictures? Have I not been positive on Facebook? An ambassador for Christ? I don’t announce daily how many calories I eat each day. I’m not using Facebook to sell anything, and I don’t do game request…
Maybe they got tired of seeing all the posts about Jesus, chickens, and coffee.
Feeling paranoid, I got back on Facebook and combed through my husband’s friends list to see how many women we knew mutually unfriended me. The results pierced my heart. I ate my feelings through a bag of miniature Reese’s.
Rejection makes you feel unworthy. Rejection leaves you questioning your abilities. “The disease to please” as author Lysa Terkeurst calls it, is alive and well. We try our best to appease the masses and be accepted. When acceptance isn’t given, the people pleaser crumbles. I am breaking free from people pleasing. The silly Facebook meltdown actually helped. It was another growing pain I was to endure. God is working on the desires of my heart. It’s clumsy progress. I’m not completely cured, but way better than before. God is patient with me and knows I crave transformation (Rom. 12:1-2). I am a child of God and that will always be enough. Isn’t that a wonderful thought? You are a child of God and will always be enough.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
The people pleaser in me would still be fretting over getting unfriended.
The people pleaser in me would say “yes” to baking 100 cupcakes for my school’s bake sale when its not a good thing for me to dive into at the moment.
The people pleaser in me would be too clammed up to invite a friend over for coffee and a Bible study in fear of rejection.
The people pleaser in me breaks out in a sweat when I click on the “Add Friend” button.
The truth is not everyone is going to like you. And that’s ok. Our purpose isn’t to be well liked, it is to be Christlike. By default, that will be unnerving to many people. Christ was rejected many times (Jn. 1:11), but goodness ultimately prevailed.
Don’t allow your need to be accepted feed your purpose. I promise you, life will be miserable, disappointing, and extremely unfruitful. Set your mind on things above (Col. 3:1), treat people as if they were Jesus himself, work on your heart, and stay humble. You are a work in progress, and so is everyone else. Grace goes such a wonderfully long way. Christ accepts you, and that is truly all that matters.
Strive for his acceptance, the rest will work itself out.