Among my most prized plants are a few prickly fellows. One of them is the airy, ball-shaped cleome. Lovely in form and welcome in the late summer garden, its thorny stems are nevertheless very painful to dispose of after the frost or the cucumber beetle kills it.

Another beautiful plant is the thorny Bougainvillea. My “yard boy,” a.k.a my husband, had a nasty encounter with the first and only specimen that I’ve grown, and has banned it from our yard. Even with its handsome variegated foliage, he considered the injuries sustained as worse than the visual reward. He did, however, welcome some ugly raspberry canes into the yard!

It has been said that a pessimist complains that roses have thorns, while the optimist rejoices that thorns have roses. This week I may have appeared suicidal to strangers, if they had noticed the long red gashes across my wrists. Not so; I had been simply pruning the rose bushes, and had a marvelous time doing it. Skin grows back! I expect to be rewarded by buds and bouquets come summer. Consequently, the activity itself seemed rewarding.

We are truly fortunate if our friends are like these spiky plants — with the possible exception of that bougainvillea.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6, NASB).

It is a gross misconception to think that our interactions with those we love will be nothing but rainbows and butterflies. In a good relationship, we are there to help one another grow. Once in a while, that includes constructive criticism.

It has been said that no criticism is ever constructive, but I must disagree. When given in the right spirit, it may hurt, but can be immensely valuable. Nobody could endure this as a constant tirade. In small, infrequent doses it can not only be endured, but tolerated gladly with the realization that there is a benefit.

At times I have had close friends speak truth into my life. The key here is the word “close.” The same words may not have been received well from someone who had not earned such trust and respect.

Fortunately, my roses and cleomes don’t need frequent handling, nor do the raspberries. Their benefit far outweighs the occasional wound suffered, otherwise they would not have a place in my yard.

There are other spiny plants that would not be greeted with open arms (Ouch! Bloodied arms!) such as Osage oranges or honey locust trees. Blackberries are also excluded, because I like raspberries so much better, while their thorns are shorter.

Similarly, some of the more “toxic” people may have to be avoided. Their constant verbal barbs sting without relief nor any hope of reward. The wounds they cause can weaken our spirits, to the point that we cannot in turn be of use to any others.

This doesn’t mean that we will never come in contact with people with jagged, hurtful ways, but rather that it may be wise to limit our likelihood of being unnecessarily scarred.

In our efforts to be good friends, we would do well to remember that roses, indeed, do have a few thorns. Just don’t be prickly on purpose!

–by Christine Berglund @ www.forthright.net