THE STRUGGLE WITH FORGIVENESS

If you have never had the challenge of forgiving someone, you must be living in a vacuum. I can’t imagine that anyone would not have experienced the challenge of forgiving someone. It is one of those inevitable situations that occurs to each of us,  just because we are alive. You can’t avoid it.

For some, forgiveness comes easier than for others. My sweet husband is one of the most forgiving people I have ever known. His philosophy is that they probably didn’t mean to do it, or there were unusual circumstances that caused the problem. I am afraid I don’t always look at things (or people) that way, but he keeps me humble as he lives this daily. I have learned to deal with my hurt and anger in a very different way because of his example.

Sometimes, anger, hurt, and frustration permeate our feelings.  We find ourselves holding a grudge or harboring feelings that are simply not characteristic of a Christian. These feelings accumulate on our hearts like dust on furniture. They won’t go away without some “cleaning.”

When we are really hurt by someone, especially if it is someone we love and have trusted, we start questioning God. We contend that it doesn’t make sense why someone would want to hurt us in such a way. We get stuck in anger and hurt feelings, and things don’t make sense. When that happens, you know the devil is at work. For women, in particular, the devil finds this a suitable situation to test our love for the Lord and our fellowman. Paul writes, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). See, anger gives the devil opportunity to destroy! In verses 31-32, Paul tells us exactly what we need to do to clean the accumulation of these ungodly feelings from our lives. He says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Towards the end of the prayer Jesus used to teach His disciples to pray, the Lord said, “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Teaching this to children is not as difficult as teaching it to adults. Why is that? It’s because children, by nature, forgive one another. Adults, by nature, do not. Yet this plainly says, we will be forgiven as we forgive.

I think adults struggle with this because we carry our feelings on our shoulders; we expect more of people than they are capable of giving, and we forget we are all human.

I have learned I need to forgive for my own sake as well as the sake of others. If I don’t, I have a terrible build-up of anger and hurt; it accumulates on my mind and heart like nothing else. It settles like dust.  The longer it stays there, the deeper those feelings are.

It takes more than a dust rag or a feather duster to rid ourselves of the feelings we feel from being hurt. It takes prayer, Bible study, and a desire to do the right thing.

In the story of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18, Jesus ended the parable by saying, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” You can’t just say you forgive. You must forgive from the heart. Forgiveness is most certainly a heart issue. That’s why forgiveness is a struggle. It has to come from the heart.

If forgiveness is a struggle for you, read the story in Matthew 18. Then pray diligently for that peace which comes from total and complete forgiveness from the heart. With God’s help, forgiveness will no longer be a struggle.

Sandra Oliver

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