I had some additional thoughts that connect to my previous article on honoring parents. I have been thinking a lot about this due to some things I have heard recently about children and their treatment of parents. The fact that we just studied this subject in my Bible class and the fact that our minister is having some lessons on the home has drawn my attention to what I am hearing from some of my friends regarding their children’s behavior.

I know one couple whose son has not had any consistent contact with them in many years. He has, on a few occasions, sent a text to wish his mom a happy Mother’s Day. He blames his wife, and his wife blames him. When his father was badly ill a few years ago, he wouldn’t accept phone calls from relatives to let him know of his father’s condition.

I have another friend whose daughter has “disowned” her parents because they spanked her when she was a little girl. I mean spanked. She was not beaten, and she admits that she was not.

Another couple we know has two sons. Neither daughter-in-law will make any effort to spend time with them. They plan holidays with only their parents, not their husband’s parents.

One other example is a young man who left home and refuses to associate with his family. His parents are devastated, but he refuses to be a part of his family.

All of these children are Christians. Some of them even attend church services. Based on our study last week, all of them are in danger of losing their souls.

I was doing some research on this subject and ran across an article by Tim Challis. He calls the command to honor your father and mother the forgotten fifth commandment. I think he may be right. How many sermons have you heard on this subject?

Mr. Challis offers some advice to children that makes a lot of sense. His suggestions give us a way to bring ourselves back to doing what God wants us to do in honoring our parents.

He first suggests that we forgive our parents. There are no perfect parents. Parents make unwise decisions. All parents have done and said things that have wounded their children. There are no perfect children either, so we need to forgive just as Jesus did. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34 ESV).

 Second, speak well of them whether they are alive or dead. Paul says, “Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed” (Romans 13:7).

Third, we should show honor to them publicly and privately. Whether children want to admit it or not, they are a reflection of their parents. Failing to honor and show respect to them is a reflection on them.

Fourth, ask their advice. The Bible is clear about respect for older individuals—elders in the church and elders in the family. Paul tells Timothy to “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (First Timothy 5:1-2). If we are to treat everyone in the way Paul outlines for Timothy, surely our parents deserve the same treatment.

Fifth, support them. Be there for them. Encourage them. Pray for them. Let them know you care.

Finally, Take care of them. Provide for them. No one wants to be dependent on their children, but it is the responsibility of the children to care for parents, if it becomes necessary. We looked at First Timothy 5:8 in our lesson last week. It is so easy to just put parents in an assisted living facility or nursing home. That may become necessary, but that does not relieve children’s responsibility to provide whatever they need, including love.

In almost every instance I mentioned in the beginning, the children  are living lives against the teaching of the parents. One is involved in a same-sex marriage. One no longer believes in God. One has decided worship needs some additions, things are not authorized by God. Another goes from one congregation to another when something happens he doesn’t like.

“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3).

 Sandra Oliver