Do you ever feel like a failure as a mother? If so, welcome to the club! You belong to a group with a large membership.
Do you find that you compare yourself to a friend who has the “perfect” child or children? Their make-up is always perfect. Their children are perfectly dressed. Their house is always clean and in order. The laundry is always done. Their yard is always mowed, raked, mulched; flowers blooming (no matter what time of year it is), and no tree limbs are cluttering the yard from the latest storm.
I want to let you in on a secret. No one has perfect children. No one has the perfect house and yard. Appearances are deceiving. They may have a maid, a yard service, a large dry cleaning bill, and time to spend in a salon; but that doesn’t make them a perfect parent.
What we should all want is to be a successful mother. Satan’s trap is to create in us the desire to have our children be like everyone else. Paul told the Romans in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (ESV).
Paul is talking about being a living sacrifice, being holy and acceptable to God. We need to strive for having our children be transformed into the likeness of Christ, not conformed to this sinful world.
Paul had something to say about our measuring ourselves by someone else’s standards. He said, “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another, they are without understanding” (II Corinthians 10:12). People in these little cliques become filled with self-importance, and they cannot see the needs of those around them. Don’t you want your children to understand that nothing and no one person is perfect?
The type of people to which I refer also let their children decide what their standards are. The children decide for themselves how they will behave, what kind of entertainment they will enjoy, how they will dress, and how they will treat others. The responsibility for decisions such as these is found in Proverbs 22:6. The writer says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The training is up to the parent, not the child.
So what is a parent to do? First, stop trying to be the perfect mom! Spend some time every day studying the Bible. Examine what made good mothers in the scripture. Read about Mary, the mother of Jesus. Read about Lois and Eunice, the mother and grandmother of Timothy. Read about Hannah and how she gave her son back to God. Self-help books may provide some good suggestions, but only the Word of God can help you raise your child to lead a Christian life.
Deuteronomy 6 is an excellent text for direction in raising children. Look at what we can learn:
- “Take care lest you forget the LORD…”—verse 12
- “It is the LORD your God you shall fear…”—verse 13
- “You shall not go after other gods…”—Verse 14
- “You shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God…”—verse 17
- “And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the LORD…”—verse 18
These instructions were written to the Jews, but they can still apply to us today. Because the Jewish people forgot how God had protected them and brought them out of Egypt, their children strayed from the God that created them and served idols. God will bless us as long as we serve only Him.
Psalm 127 is explicit about building our homes (not fancy houses)! “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” If we don’t allow the Lord to be the basis for the decisions we make in raising our children, our homes will not be spiritually successful.
To be a successful mother, the Word has to be in your heart. You can’t teach it if you don’t know it! You are molding your children like a piece of clay, and you can’t mold something without having the proper instructions.
Your husband is a key in your being a good mother. Ephesians 4:6 tells fathers, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
If you find yourself in a situation where you have no husband, understand that it is God’s will that children should be instructed and disciplined. Without instruction and discipline, there is a violation of God’s command. You will have to take on that role.
The psalmist said, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). May we store up God’s word in our hearts so that we can teach our children the things God would have us to teach. We won’t be perfect mothers, but we will be striving for perfection, as God would have us to do.
Sandra Oliver